Sarah Palin's metaphorical trigger finger reportedly has tested negative for gunshot residue from the Arizona massacre.
Forensic analysis will reveal that the shooting of U.S. Rep. Gabrielle Giffords and slaying of six others was actually the work of a lone lunatic named Jared Lee Loughner (not Sarah Palin).
A spokesman issued a statementclarifying that when Palin featured Rep. Giffords and other Democrats on a hit list, mapped their locations with bullseyes and urged supporters to "RELOAD," she did not intend for anyone to literally shoot the evil Dems she had targeted with crosshairs.
Sarah Palin's metaphorical trigger finger reportedly has tested negative for gunshot residue from the Arizona massacre.
Forensic analysis will reveal that the shooting of U.S. Rep. Gabrielle Giffords and slaying of six others was actually the work of a lone lunatic named Jared Lee Loughner (not Sarah Palin).
A spokesman issued a statementclarifying that when Palin featured Rep. Giffords and other Democrats on a hit list, mapped their locations with bullseyes and urged supporters to "RELOAD," she did not intend for anyone to literally shoot the evil Dems she had targeted with crosshairs.
The spokesman explained that while Palin enjoys using guns-and-ammo imagery to stoke the political climate and boost her outdoorsy image, she resents having it backfire.
Fox News today officially ruled out Palin as a suspect, focusing instead on the true villain -- the Arizona sheriff who suggested that hateful political "vitriol" may have had a role in the massacre.
Issuing a correct but transparently self-serving call for rhetorical restraint (intended to pre-empt criticism about its own culpability in the toxic environment), Fox trotted out commentators to bash anyone raising the obvious question of whether the visceral political anger cultivated by the right could incite actual Second Amendment remedies.
Finding itself in the unusual position of tamping down heated rhetoric rather than stoking it, Fox asserted that it's wrong to discuss the impact of political hate speech in America because there is not yet any smoking-gun proof that Loughner was motivated by political rhetoric.
Tea Party strategist Sal Russo slammed the left as "irresponsible" for such speculation -- irresponsibly speculating that the shooter was "obviously a left-wing anarchist."
(Russo concluded with a seemingly irrelevant slam against President Obama for running around "apologizing" about America. Perhaps due to the solemnity of the situation, he generously omitted the Nazi president's penchant for "palling around with terrorists.")
Another Fox talking head dared Obama to defuse the nasty political climate that Fox (Tiller the Baby-Killer) News has meticulously cultivated and exploited -- concluding her call for statesmanship by dubbing the president "a bit of a robot."
Meanwhile, The Daily Palin has learned that the NRA is gearing up to battle anyone who seeks to make it harder for mentally deranged people to obtain semiautomatic weapons. (Look for a sweet new campaign targeting advocates of more sensible gun laws with crosshairs and bullseyes!)