Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad today announced plans to officially honor Fred Phelps and his Westboro Baptist Church in a State ceremony to be held in Tehran sometime next month. The occasion will mark the first time the Islamic Republic has so honored a non-Muslim American.
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"We recognize Mr. Phelps for his extraordinary contributions in the areas of anti-Western civilization rhetoric and domestic terrorism," Ahmadinejad told reporters in a prepared statement. "He has single-handedly raised the bar, setting a new standard for those of us who espouse these methods. It is my fervent hope that he will be able to attend the ceremony honoring him and his followers — we have a really fun evening planned, with a few surprise guests."
Hafez al Shah Fi-Slammaj Amma, a longtime Ahmadinejad spokesman, later explained the decision this way, "Mr. Phelps is an innovator — a game changer. For thousands of years, terrorism has been used to instill fear in order to impact the peaceful existence of innocent civilians, often creating occasions of mourning. Under Mr. Phelps leadership, the Westboro Baptist Church has introduced the tactic of terrorizing innocent civilians WHILE they are mourning. He has revolutionized the industry. As President Ahmadinejad has often noted, perhaps we’d have come up with it first if we had homosexuals in Iran, but we must concede that no one can ever know for sure. In any event, Mr. Phelps and his followers deserve much more recognition for their work against the Western imperialist oppressors than they have yet received. When it comes to making America look like a nation of lunatic hypocrites, nobody else anywhere in the world can hold a candle to them."
Mr. Phelps, who was en route to Arizona to picket the funerals of Saturday’s Tucson shooting victims, could not be reached for comment.