What one elderly black woman taught me...
I really liked this:
That's what I wrote to try to explain to my brother why sometimes I walk away. Why sometimes when I want to curse and scream - I don't. It's also why I won't leave Daily Kos. Do I lose my patience yes.
Have I uprated or downrated in anger - yes. Do I wind up walking away, Yes.
Do I feel hurt too. Yes.
Do I think we can try to stop this thread guerrilla warfare. Yes.
This is a progressive community. We all have our own definition of progressive. We all have a wide range of views on a broad range of issues. But we all can agree with one basic fact. We are not going to move this country forward alone. We have to do it together.
But as that old black lady cautioned me - we have to have a little more patience with each other.
We can learn to listen, and listen to learn.
Thanks for listening.
I was thinking something similar when I wrote this the other day:
So we could be at a standoff of injured feelings here, or we could both start giving each other the benefit of the doubt, which I would like to do. I will temper my remarks and listen more (although I'm not going to stop expressing my own ideas or challenging others'). These bad feelings are the last thing I ever wanted.
And I meant it. We do have standoffs where each person feels that he's not being heard or understood - naturally, because he isn't - and keeps repeating himself louder and more angrily. I've seen myself in these standoffs. I've also taken to heart what I've heard many black people saying here and am trying to express my criticisms of the president in a more moderate and respectful way - even though I've never tempered what I had to say about any president before this one.
I have seen that black people have been leaving DKos and I do not want this to continue. I've been soul searching about this for some weeks now. From my point of view, I never expected to treat this president differently from any other. To do so doesn't really sit right with me - reacting to people differently based on their race. I've never been a fan of the president because I can see that he's not going to do the things that I fervently believe need doing, but of course this has applied to every other president in my lifetime. It's been extremely frustrating not being able to make people see that this has nothing to do with race; no matter how many times or in how many ways I say it, I don't feel heard. But I have decided that even though it's my normal mode of venting my political rage, I will try keep the feelings of others in mind when expressing myself.
How to react when I see what I perceive to be unwarranted suggestions of racism or racial insensitivity is a harder issue. I don't know what I will do about that. I understand very well the connotations of certain words to black people and the history behind them; but I know just as well that black people like everyone else can be presumptuous and arrogant and condescending and all the range of human traits and behaviors, and we have to be able to say so.
Back to the diary. As I said, I liked the part I quoted above. I also found interesting and enlightening what you said about the contradictions you face with Obama's presidency; it definitely gave me things to ponder.
I didn't like so much other parts:
Where it gets harder is trying to communicate with those who can't see past the "Black Kos" label.
Part of that is they have the privilege to do so. It is after all - "their" country. So they don't stop to think about how what they do, and how they react severs the fragile bonds forged during the brief time when we were brought together by people like MLK.
There's something major missing here. We all do need to learn to listen, and listen to learn. But where is the acknowledgment that perhaps you have not heard us? There is the one reference to listening, but the gist of the diary really is that you, the injured parties, practice forbearance with those clods who don't listen or think and are oblivious to your point of view. Forbearance is good. Calmness and patience and a genuine effort to forge bonds is good. But listening and thinking about what people are saying has to be a two way street. Doesn't it?