I'd start by saying that, no, this isn't a meta diary about "bagels being troll ratings" and a plea towards public civility on the internets... quite the opposite. If you have a contrary view I shall set about thee metaphorically with a tire-iron in the comments til I pass out... and posting recipes would PLEASE ME! HA!
Its about bagels. Specifically why YOU should eat them, and eat them the way that Jehovah/God/Flying Bagel Monster deigns it so... toasted with a liberal slather of cream cheese. Not just any cream cheese, either. Purely Philadelphia Whipped. Because air makes cream better.
I know you might have heard differently from food critics or nutritionists, but forget all that. You are commanded to respond affirmatively, because I'm training to be fat.
Since you're probably saying to yourself I don't see why I have to eat this particular food stuff the way you want. I shall make a fact based argument as to why your preference is wrong:
Veganism... aka the no-Bagel-WITH-schmear mafia
So.. you won't eat anything with/produced by something with eyes. Good for you! You know you're probably only vegan because you were trying to get laid by your vegan boyfriend/girlfriend.
Seriously, its not worth it. Fat is flavor... more specifically its the transmission fluid of flavanoids to the brain.
I have known plenty of vegans for whom "it didn't count if". So why not just say, it doesn't count as long as its on a bagel. I personally corrupted a vegan with really good cheese... and I am deeply proud of that fact.
Regional inferiority
You probably live in an awful place. Somewhere without appropriate Jewry. Somewhere not near Whitestone, NYC. In this case, yes, you've probably had some notsogood bagels.
I didn't know any better either til I moved to NYC. And didn't know how fundamentally good they were til we left. They are just that good... and they sell enough bagels that you can guarantee fresh ABC brand Nova Lox (the salty chew of good nova nestled atop the cream cheese is delightful.)
Of course, you may not be able to relocate to foodie heaven, so you should probably spend your time sourcing your own passable bagels, or start your own bagel bakery failing that.
How to //bagel
Maybe you think you know how bagels should be made. If your answer is toasted (moreso on the cut side, slightly less on the outside,) with a schmear of Philli Whipped Cream Cheese and optionally, a thin layer of Nova lox perched above, correct! If not, I'll explain:
Food is not merely "a taste" but a chemical symphony of tastes and textures. Temperature matters to taste, and bagels with schmear are one of the few rare combination foods mixing ideal-warm with ideal-cold foods. A well done bagel confuses the brain in a delightful way. The other part is texture.
There are Darwinist reasons why bagels evolved to get toasted; a "wet" component in contact with a porous component would mean soggy bread. Its more than that, however.. there is the magic Maillard Reaction both making new flavor compounds and a crisp crunchy border to the doughy bagel and creamy cream cheese... and as a side note whipped cream cheese, includes air within. These bubbles add another layer of pleasing sensation to the experience.
A cold untoasted bagel with cream cheese SUCKS! If you're going to do it, do it well. Breakfast is worth spending time on.
===
P.S. R.I.P. Oolong... so don't post bunny pics as a sign of respect. Or the terrorists win.
===
Update: I'm leaving this dairy up as a cautionary tale to those that follow. I bravely and intelligently fought off the Bagel-as-sandwich and Untoasted-Bagel neophytes, but was overwhelmed by their massive disrespect to my unassailable position.
I'm reminded of a quote by Joseph Nye Welch reported by Edward R. Murrow regarding the Army–McCarthy hearings:
Have you no sense of decency, sir, at long last? Have you left no sense of decency?
Because you all are, of course, male.