In a potentially unprecedented moment in American politics, conservative icon and former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin announced her leadership and commitment within the popular grass roots Tea Party movement was nothing more than a political stunt. She claimed that she uses her name and shooting political stardom in a continuing effort to ensure her son Trig, born with Down Syndrome in 2008, can one day find a natural and fitting political home.
“Golly, I wanted to encourage the Tea Party to prominence to find a nice way for my retarded baby to relate to Americans,” Palin said. “I knew if we could somehow inspire those among us who prefer books with pictures, sparking a genuine and passionate revolution for ignorance and easy manipulation, well, then my baby Trig, with his IQ rivaling a coconut, will fit right in!”
So Palin nurtured the Tea Party's meteoric rise alongside her own to national significance, all the way through to so many Tea Party-fueled Republican victories in last November's mid-term elections. Palin has been sure to bash all the right politicians and say all the right things, like responding to widespread tax cuts by bluntly declaring that tax rates continuously soar to higher and unbearable levels under President Barack Hussein Obama's autocratic rule. It seems Palin has embraced and blended the ethos of her new employer, Fox News, with the historic worldview of Niccolo Machiavelli: There's nothing wrong with a little baseless fiction so long as the ends justify the means. In that spirit Sarah Palin is doing everything she can to create a Down Syndrome America.
She even appeared at the inaugural Tea Party convention last February, delivering the keynote address in Knoxville, Tennessee, where she urged tens of thousands of mentally challenged Americans in attendance to rise against their government (And the former governor pocketed a $100,000 speaking fee to “rally the retards,” as she later phrased it). By carefully sticking to dubious GOP talking points and unfounded claims, she was an unqualified success in the heart of Tennessee.
“The timing of the rise of the Tea Party proved perfect, with Fox News simultaneously maturing into the kind of propaganda machine not seen since Hitler. See?! I got that from them, the importance of connecting everything to Nazism,” Palin said of her new bosses.
“You've got to be a real retard, like my li'l Trigger, to think Nazism is actually so widespread in contemporary America, even saturating the White House.” She then looked up "saturate" in a dictionary before bobbing her head grinning.
Reaction wasn't quite as amused among the Tea Party faithful. It may be true that fewer than one third of the core Tea Party devotees past the age of 25 have completed high school, but they remain a prideful bunch.
“It sucks to learn we are all, essentially, one big brain fart,” admitted Tea Party Patriots co-founder Mark Meckler, who famously can not read, “but I think I'm gonna ride this out. Palin's pretty attractive for an old chick.”