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Welcome to the Weatherdude Weekly, I'm your host Weather Weatherdude. The current time is scotch. The weather for today will not be for what you dressed. Today's lottery numbers are 4, 8, 15, 16, 23, 42. Your Deity of the Day is Saraswati. Your DK4 formatted and friendly version of the news starts now.
News At A Glance:
-DailyKos Alumni edscan Found To Ghostwrite Known and Unknown
-GOP Congressman Chooses McRib Over Family
-Keith Olbermann To Replace Pat Robertson as Hardball's Camera Spittle Screen
-Sarah Palin Gives Speech, Public Asks "Who™?"
Republicans Denounce Super Bowl Commercial
Republicans have taken issue with a Super Bowl commercial that aired for the popular website Groupon, which showed the struggles in Tibet and abruptly cut to a man in a restaurant eating Tibetan food. Conservative commentators argue that Tibet does not exist, and "companies shouldn't lie to average Americans like that."
Outback Steakhouse Scandal Blows Over
Last month's exposé by WJLA ABC 7 news in Washington DC has exploded into a non-event after the steaks at Outback Steakhouse were proven to consist of 7% steak and 93% wheat germ. When a reporter asked a customer what she thought about this scandal, she responded with "If Jesus ain't want us to eat it, He wouldn't have opened this fine establishment!" While most customers seemed unfazed by the revelation, local reporters were told to be outraged.
Obama Narrowly Leads Pie Among Kossacks For 2012
Last week, The Weatherdude Weekly privately and randomly contacted 4,500 Kossacks to see for whom they would vote if a 2012 Democratic Presidential Primary were held right that very minute. The results were interesting:
Incumbent Democratic President Barack Obama received 38% of the vote, narrowly leading pie, which received a whopping 37% of the vote. Other names mentioned were Bernie Sanders (15%), Hillary Clinton (6%), Bill in Portland Maine (2%), Not Pie (1%), and Ralph Nader also receiving his usual 1%. If Pie overcomes Obama and clinches the nomination, commentators speculate there will be a fierce debate between All-American Apple Pie and sketchy Key Lime pie to run under the "Pie" ticket. The President was too busy eating his competitor to comment.
George Bush Cancels Trip To DK4
George Bush has cancelled a scheduled trip to DK4 after finding out he could face arrest if he comes near the website. Unfortunately, he's too dumb to realize that if he came here during a flame war, nobody would notice.
That is all the news for today, see you next time. From all of us here at the Weatherdude Weekly, good night.