NOTICE 1: If you don't care about why I'm writing this, just skip to the jump
NOTICE 2: I tend like to use colorful language. If that bothers you, go away :)
NOTICE 3: Occasionally, when I get in these moods, my writing style has been called either, "very casual and talkive" and/or "a bit deranged sounding". Frankly, I find it appropriate given the nature of politics, especially in America today.
NOTICE 4: Having said that, I will not be proof reading this and refuse to be held responsible for any typos and grammatical errors! So HA!
Introduction: samfish? What The Hell Are You Doing..?
In these final, waning days of what we know as DailyKos (because from what I understand, this site isn't going to be around after this weekend), I've decided to have some fun in a diary every night until the anticlimactic finale arrives and crushes us all.
...or something.
And what better way to start this...um... series (?) of diaries off than by getting in some gloating?
See, way back when, I used to live in North Carolina, and John Edwards was my Senator. He was a fucking two faced prick back then who would throw his own mother under a bus (or cheat on his cancer stricken wife and video tape it) and I did my damnedest to tell people that the man was a fink.
But alas! It was early 2008 and nobody wanted to listen to me! Douche John Edwards developed a cult following because, being the opportunistic snake he was, he realized that the only way he stood a chance at being a Presidential nominee was to court the activist left like nobody's bidnizz.
And so this once-an-arguably-Blue-Dog-Democrat hack started whispering sweet nothings into the ears of people like you and me. Gríma Wormtongue could not have sexily said it better. The seduction of the activist base was complete. People had stars in their eyes — "he's SO right", they said; "He's gorgeous too! Wow!" (Ladies, if you're interested in a two timing bastard still, might I suggest myself? I've got a girlfriend and I've never cheated on anyone, but shit, I can lie like a rug to you, if that's what gets you off).
The cult worship of John Edwards was arguably the most obnoxious of the 3 candidates at the time (although Hillary supports eventually took that crown for themselves, and did so with mother fucking gusto, but let's not get into that). This no better manifested itself in a festering, eye rolling series of daily diaries entitled Edwards Evening News Round-Up: ____ Edition.
So being that I was right about John Edwards being a two faced, self serving snake who lacked the will to keep his dick in his pants while his wife was dying, I humbly — HUMBLY — submit that there is no better person than I (just some guy, you know) bring back the Edwards Evening News Round-Up for one last go-round!
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EDWARDS EVENING NEWS ROUND-UP: POSSIBLE PRELUDE TO PRISON EDITION
It's a a bit of an old story, but as many of us know, fucking and impregnating another woman while his wife (who actually was a genuinely good person, by all accounts) was dying of caner was not the only slimy thing that the slithering Snake Man did.
(anybody get that picture? Anybody? I'll give you mofo or whatever if you do!)
Nope, it turns out that the creep also snookered a ton of money from a then-98 year old seemingly slightly senile heiress, too. Imagine the man, if you will, with his charming slight southern drawl and boyish good looks, putting his hand on Rachel "Bunny" Mellon's upper thigh and asking, "Bunny, I really need this money to keep things going! We- we can win this, but I...I need your help! I need your money, Bunny!"
Bunny Mellon gave John Edwards this money — more than $700,000 — which was then allegedly used to keep his mistress, Reille Hunter, in hiding and off of the media radar after one of his Super Sperm penetrated one of his eggs.
She also sent a series of personal checks totaling more than $700,000 that her attorney has characterized as gifts intended for Edwards' personal use. According to former Edwards' aide Andrew Young, much of Mellon's money was ultimately used to support Hunter while she was in hiding. Young falsely claimed paternity of Hunter's child in 2007 but has since renounced that claim and accused Edwards of orchestrating an elaborate cover-up of the affair to protect his political aspirations.
By the sounds of it, the investigation by all parties is wrapping up to a close. Potentially proving that justice isn't totally out to lunch, there's a possibility that the man will at least be indicted:
A federal grand jury in North Carolina has been hearing evidence in a wide-ranging probe of Edwards' 2008 presidential campaign and the alleged cover-up of Edwards' affair with videographer Rielle Hunter, who gave birth to Edwards' child in February 2008. Sources close to the case tell ABC News that a decision on whether to seek an indictment of Edwards is expected within the next few weeks.
It'd be nice if they could actually get the guy indicted and sent to jail.
_____________________
Now, before you all freak out and accuse of me being a plant or something please allow me to explain myself and be (slightly) more serious:
There are a number of Republican politicians who have done worse things and deserve to see the inside of a prison cell, sharing it with a 300lb tattooed man who somehow earned the nickname Anal Albert, considerably more than John Edwards does.
But even if you think that we should ignore the heinous personal act that John Edwards committed against his family because that stuff has no real place in politics (and I would agree with that, albeit reluctantly in this case), what this man did would have flushed America down the toilet right alongside his dignity if he had won the Presidential nomination.
The guy knew he was doing something so brazen and stupid, something that all but brought down the previous Democratic President, and he was turning up the stakes to 11. He didn't step down, knowing what he did. Knowing how batshit crazy Repuglican opposition is, and he risked everything.
If the man truly believed that America was at a tipping point and all his other populist, progressive sounding campaign rhetoric... how could he have gone forward? I mean, it boggles the mind.
Maybe it's because I'm kind of a chicken and tend over-think negative consequences, but man: if I was somehow in that position, running for the most powerful (non-corporate) office in the world, when my mistress told me I had knocked her up, the first thing I'd have said was, "Well, time to step out of this race" and come up with an excuse to gracefully exit.
But he didn't. He didn't step out of the race. He stayed in it until it was obvious that he had no business being in it. He was willing to gamble with the lives of 300 million people that way.
If he had stayed in and somehow won the nomination, he'd have handed the country right over to the Repuglicans again. Sarah Palin would be Vice President and an angry, bitter, spiteful old man would be President, allowing corporations to run us into the ground full force for at least 4 more years.
I don't really consider myself a Democrat. I might have if we were living in the pre-Reagan era, but largely I don't think the Democratic party fights for people like me (or most of the folks who were seduced by Edwards' rhetoric).
Because of that, I don't believe in staunchly defending the Democrats. When one of them does something terrible, I think we should go after them with as much zeal as we do conservatives, rather than kind of just forget the bastards exist. Never forgive, never forget.
Taking the Democratic party back is a huge job, but keeping the shit off of our boots has to be something we stay aware of, in my opinion. John Edwards is one of the new progressive movement's bigger failings. We foolishly allowed this man to proclaim himself among our ranks, when he otherwise had no business being allowed such.
Fuck him.