Yes, I'm fat. I'm not Santa Claus fat, or the creepy disembodied fat that they show on local TV news. I'm your roll-of-the-mill fat. I'm the kind of fat you look at and think "he's fat" instead of "DAMN GERTIE! Get my harpoon!" I'm the kind of fat who has no problem running to catch a bus, but can't sit down between the two skinny people without everyone being uncomfortable. I'm the kind of fat who can stand in front of a class for 30 minutes and give a speech without having to sit down or take a breather, but when I go back to my desk, I have to suck it in to fit. I'm the kind of fat people really don't call fat, but everyone just agrees upon as fat.
But, really, what's the difference between "fat" and "FAAAT?" Is there really a difference? Is a 40 year old baseball player with a beer gut any worse than that bedridden woman down the street nobody's seen in 12 years? If so, how? Because one is bigger than the other? Why? Why do people make fun of the person down the street instead of the baseball player?
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There are different types of fat. There's 'beer gut fat.' There's too-many-bon-bons fat. There's the 'functional fat' who can function like everyone else but they're just fat. There's the non-functioning fat, which is the sad sort of fat. There's fat fat, where you're fat but you embrace it. There's also the denial fat, where you're fat but try like hell to deny it.
I'm what I call "flounder fat." You don't get a clear idea of my fat until you get a profile view of me. It scares me sometimes, but it's who I am. I'm fat. I know I'm fat. I have to work to get rid of my fat, but for the time being, I'm fat.
I can't stand the people who lecture those who are fat. What gives you the right to lecture me about being fat? I don't lecture you about the coke on your nose. I don't lecture you about your ultra-revealing clothes. I don't lecture you about your drinking or your smoking or your promiscuity. Why should you lecture me because of my fat? What makes that okay? Is it the fact that you're not on the receiving end of the criticism that makes it okay?
Is it the fact that fat people are at a higher risk for health problems? Do you think that we fat people don't know that? We do. Trust me, we do. We fat people have heard it all our lives. Your fat will kill you. Your fat will fuck up your heart. Your fat makes it hard for you to breathe. Your fat makes you unattractive. Your fat this. Your fat that. What about my fat? I know plenty of skinny people who go to McDonalds more in one week than I do in an entire year. I very rarely eat out. I always eat salad and veggies and stuff. My fat isn't because of what I eat, it's what I do. I'm fat because of what I'm doing right now -- I'm on the computer 24/7. I don't exercise, that's why I'm fat. The sad thing about those who lecture fat people is that they lecture fat people based on stereotypes and broad-stroke medical diagnoses instead of person-to-person facts.
I wasn't always fat. I was a skinny little kid. I got fat around 3rd grade, and kept growing width-wise as well as height-wise. I'm a 5 foot 11, 300 something fatty. I know that. When I was in middle school, I got fatter faster than I grew. I didn't grow into my fat so quickly. This worried the doctors for some reason. I guess when you appear fat you're more at risk than when you don't appear fat. They tested me for 3 years for diabetes. They were disappointed after all 12 blood tests came back negative for any health problems. My first visit to the endocrinologist was a disaster. She assumed we ate McDonalds every night. When we told her we almost never ate out, she was baffled. She asked what we had for dinner the night before. We had spaghetti. She asked what restaurant we got it from. My mom made it. She was, again, shocked. She asked how much oil she put in it. None. She asked how much cheese I used. None. She was shocked again. Why the hell is he fat if they eat relatively healthy food?
I get lectured about my weight. I get lectured about how my heart will give out, liver will fail, colon will get cancer, stomach will rot, lungs will collapse, blood will curdle, all sorts of scary evil stuff. I understand the health risks that come with being fat. But why do you lecture me about those health risks because I'm fat? What about the ticking heart bomb in the chest of that body builder, or that skinny mini cheerleader who just woofed down a Whopper? Why is it that people who are skinny but eat like shit are assumed to be healthier than fat people? If you look at a skinny person and a fat person, which one eats McDonalds 6 times a week, and which one doesn't? You don't know! That's the thing. My doctor says I'm healthy as an ox. Everything checks out okay. That's great, and when I lose my weight it'll be even better. I know people only a few years older than me with far more health problems, and they're within a healthy weight range.
I'm able to criticize and make fun of my weight because I'm secure with it. I can make "Get the harpoon!" jokes with myself. But you can't unless you know me well enough to know I'm secure with it. How do you know the mental stability of the person you're making fun of? You don't. That isn't just for fat people. It's for skinny people, tall people, short people, GLBT people, black people, Mexican people, disabled people, every other type of people that isn't considered "normal" by society (whatever "normal" is this week).
I'm fat. I know that. I'm working on that. Take a look in the mirror. What are you?
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And for a little comic relief, here's a bit of stand-up from one of my favorite comedians of all time, Gabriel Iglesias:
On his "Big, Healthy, Husky, Fluffy, DAYUM" scale, I put myself somewhere between Husky and Fluffy. :DUpdated by weatherdude at Wed Feb 16, 2011, 02:48:39 PM
Minor update...I took everything but the first two paragraphs and stuck them below the ugly squiggle, to be fair to the groups that reblogged this. I forgot how much space gets eaten up by posting above the ugly squiggle.