During a recent FOX News focus group, GOP caucus voters from Iowa were recently given the opportunity to disprove the stereotype of a typical American fundamental conservative as a myopic, easily manipulated, intellectual flyweight fueled by hypocrisy…
GOP caucus voters from Iowa were recently given the opportunity to respond to Bill O’Reilly’s interview with President Obama. Frank Luntz of FOX News mediated a forum that offered these GOP members the chance to disprove the stereotype of a typical American fundamental conservative as a myopic, easily manipulated, intellectual flyweight fueled by hypocrisy…but they failed miserably. Instead, they showed a stunning lack of comprehension and a pure lack of capacity for rational analysis that it made Jack Tripper look like Albert Einstein riding Stephen Hawking.
Below is an examination of some of the remarks from these GOP members in response to Obama’s remarks on the current crisis in Egypt. If you don’t feel fully apprised of the political situation, don’t worry too much about context, most of these responses don’t actually have anything to do with Egypt…or facts.
The GOP member remarks are in bold, my responses are not. Brace your brain. The following full responses are unspecific, generalized, and stem from perspectives that are so clearly unquestioned that it will make you want to run to your nearest library and eat a very thick book.
MAN #1: I don’t think he [Obama] has a grasp on how serious this [crisis in Egypt] can be. He doesn’t seem to know what the details are, and what we want and what we need as a country.
I’m pretty sure the President of the United States knows how serious a revolution in the Middle East can be…is anyone else with me on that? Ever since 9/11, a bird taking a crap in the Middle East is a big deal. Ever since Alexander the Great conquered the Persian Empire in 330 B.C., everything in the Middle East has been a big fucking deal. So I kind of doubt that the Prez is thinking about getting more shapely abs during his morning debriefings.
As for what our country needs when it comes to Egypt: We need cable news networks that can locate Egypt on a world map. Let’s start with that and see where we can go from there.
MAN #2: He talks about making them [Egypt] into a republic, all he talks about is democracy; he doesn’t know what a republic is. (Man #2 then stares into space expectantly, waiting for someone to save him.)
Um…OK.
This comment reads like a telegram from a juvenile dementia ward:
Dear Grandma. STOP
President talks about democracy is bad. STOP
They have installed republics in the cafeteria to reduce energy costs. STOP
I don’t bleed staples. STOP
WOMAN #1: I believe that Barack Obama’s religious beliefs do govern his foreign policy.
LUNTZ: And what are his religious beliefs?
WOMAN #1: I believe that he is a Muslim.
WOMAN #1, it is your right as an American to believe anything that you want. However, when you obstinately believe in abject falsehoods, and have no evidence to support your baseless claim, I have the right to believe that your life-long dream is to marry feet.
LUNTZ: How many people here believe that Barack Obama is a Muslim? (14 of the 25 people in the group raise their hands. Luntz then offers them one last chance to not look like raging buffoons who decided to join the GOP because it was the easier party to spell.) You realize what people, the national media are going to say?
ALL: Yep, mm-hm…Oh yeah, sure, etc…
*SIGH
*FACEPALM
*SHOVE FORK IN EAR TO FEEL BRAIN
If you’re asking yourself ‘Who ARE these people?’ I’m sorry to say that the terrifying answer is ‘These are your fellow, voting, Americans.’
MAN #4: His religious belief is liberalism, and, y’know, that’s the most intolerant religion of all, there’s no – no, room for wiggle… in that… (MAN #4, apparently shocked that he finished his one thought, concludes by mumbling into his shirt collar.)
Unfortunately, based on this group’s intellectual behavior, I can’t assume that you don’t actually consider liberalism to be a religion. You’ve lost that privilege to not be condescended to… so, MAN #4, or BRUCE, as it says on your nametag, please go find yourself a dictionary. It’s the big red book in your den that you’ve never opened.
This is for you, BRUCE-IE, so pay attention and get those shirt buttons out of your mouth and I’ll show you how grown-ups try and figure out what a word means. Here is how Merriam-Webster defines the word ‘liberalism’:
1: a movement in modern Protestantism emphasizing intellectual liberty and the spiritual and ethical content of Christianity
2: a theory in economics emphasizing individual freedom from restraint and usually based on free competition, the self-regulating market, and the gold standard
3: a political philosophy based on belief in progress, the essential goodness of the human race, and the autonomy of the individual and standing for the protection of political and civil liberties; specifically : such a philosophy that considers government as a crucial instrument for amelioration of social inequities
Well, well, well, it appears that liberalism was indeed something associated with Protestantism and Christianity. Not only am I impressed that you were clearly aware of the religious connotations that came with the term, but I am also extremely surprised that you had the courage to go on national television and declare a belief under the umbrella of Christianity as “the most intolerant religion of them all.”
…
Actually, I don’t think BRUCE really meant that at all.
So, clearly BRUCE is against either a free-market economy or a political system based on the belief that some government can aid people in achieving the best world possible.
I’m sorry, but if you believe that any form of de facto government (including police, schools, and highway safety agencies) to be simply BAD, then you are either an anarchist, or an old, pissed-off, asshat with too much raw bluster in his cheeks. And BRUCE, you don’t look like much of an Abbie Hoffman fan.
I doubt that BRUCE could have actually defined the word ‘liberalism’ correctly, but I chose to address the possible definitions just in case it turns out that BRUCE actually does believe ‘liberalism’ to mean something more than “A system where the President doesn’t look like me.”
Take note America, there are GOP voters out there who have problems with liberalism, or at least they think they do. Personally, I have a feeling that BRUCE’s biggest problem with liberalism is that it has the same number of syllables as ‘Hamburger Helper’ and he believes that to be inherently unfair.
WOMAN #2: I do think it’s quite possible he’s a Muslim even though he says he’s Christian.
I believe that it is quite possible that you hide in your bathroom licking bowling balls so you can sleep at night. We both have the same amount of evidence to support these beliefs.
WOMAN #3: He gives textbook answers.
Thanks for the textbook observation.
MAN #6: I think he believes that America is at fault for the world’s problems, he doesn’t see the good that America has done in the world.
I can’t even imagine broaching the subject of global politics with MAN #6, someone so blinded by conservative punditry that he probably refers to his rare erection as a ‘Boehner.’
MAN #6, I hate to break it to you, but it’s people who are only capable of parroting impotent party rhetoric who are largely responsible for America’s problems. Yes, that means you. So come back when you’re done flushing our national IQ down the toilet and maybe then we can talk about how you can do some American good in the world by thinking for yourself.
Take a good look, readers, because these are your fellow Americans. Our peers are willing to embarrass themselves on national television for the right to believe whatever they want to believe as opposed to believing in a sense of intellectual and analytical voter responsibility.
Embracing this terrifying reality reveals a dilemma for those of us who still value the art of critical thinking: These fellow brainwashed, water-headed voters are real, and we simply cannot take them lightly…
…But how in the hell can we be expected to take them seriously?