It is difficult to not feel some sympathy for heterosexual married couples. They have to contend with having 1,138 extra rights that they have to feel immense guilt for. They get to be with the person they love and call them a spouse, and even take care of each other. All these responsibilities can take a toll on a person. Not to mention the simple fact that being socially accepted by one's peers means that heterosexual couples get to flaunt their married status with impunity and that might make as-yet-unmarried straight couples very sad, leading them to take the unfortunate step of investing in a ring for their significant other, proposing and spending hours planning a huge wedding celebration.
It's just not fair. Societal acceptance puts heterosexuals in a tough and mentally draining spot. And then, there's the tax penalties:
Thanks to a 1996 federal law aimed at preserving traditional marriage, thousands of same-sex couples in California, Nevada, and Washington state could get big tax bonuses on their federal returns starting this year.
The bonuses are off-limits to heterosexual married couples—a sharp reminder of the "marriage penalty" that often dings two-earner couples.
I think we've punished heterosexuals enough, don't you? The 1996 law, called the Defense of Marriage Act (really though, should be called the "Unfair Taxing of Heterosexuals Because They Don't Have Enough Problems Already Act") was ostensibly created to preserve marriage between a man and a woman as the only valid marriage in the United States. Truthfully though, it was designed to favor homosexual couples and penalize heterosexual ones, who are just trying to escape the harshness that is straight married life. Now, one might think the solution would be to end this law that hurts heterosexuals, but that's not the answer. It would be too difficult to end a law that hurts straights, you see. Congress is filled with anti-straight advocates. A repeal bill would never make it out of the House.
The correct solution is for straights to protest by not getting married. Marriage would, after all, cost you a lot of money:
If you are curious about what marriage is costing (or would cost) you, it can be hard to tell. But the Tax Policy Center has a website (calculator.taxpolicycenter.org) that helps estimate the federal taxes for two single filers versus a couple filing jointly. If your 2010 tax records are handy, it shouldn't take long.
Go there and you'll see: the deck is stacked against heterosexuals. Heterosexuals (who can apparently get married in all 50 states) should refuse, thus denying the government their extra money. Since gay couples can only get married in six states, the 1996 law protecting them would not earn the government quite enough revenue and they'll relent and change the tax policies to make things more fair for the embattled rights of heterosexual couples in this country.
Here's an example of the government's gay bonus:
Here is a simplified example from Mr. Kollaja: David and Richard are registered partners in California who own a house together. In 2010 David earned $225,000 and Richard earned $20,000. Under the new IRS rules, they will merge their income and deductions, then divide them by half and file separate returns. Their total federal tax will be $40,744. If they filed a joint federal return, they would owe $3,144 more.
The government is allowing this gay family to have $3,000 more. It's not like they need it. We all know how much easier it is for gay people to get health care and other benefits. It's time for the government to stop blatantly attacking heterosexuals in America.
To show you just how far this attack goes, just read the stated purpose of this act:
...to make explicit what has been understood under federal law for over 200 years; that a marriage is the legal union of a man and a woman as husband and wife, and a spouse is a husband or wife of the opposite sex.
This is clearly unfair to straight couples. The only people who are penalized by marriage are heterosexuals. It says so right there. And they claim it's been this way for over 200 years, as a way to extort money from these unwilling participants in this giant government scheme. They try to fool you with talks of traditional marriage and how the only God-ordained marriages are heterosexual ones, but that's just because they think it will make you forget about all the government penalties against heterosexuality. After all, if God says it's right, then who are you to argue?
Heterosexual couples are suffering here. We all need to work to fix these taxes so that they don't have to part with their money, on top of all the other indignities they face in America. It's 2011. Times have changed.