This Vent-Hole (hereinafter known as IVH), if lost or stolen will not be replaced nor purchase price refunded. Violation of IVH rules will result in expulsion without refund. Admission to certain functions within the IVH may require additional innuendo; enter at your own risk. Frivolity and silliness are highly recommended for all riders. Flamewars are expressly forbidden and political ranting is strongly discouraged. Please consult your counselor, magistrate or religious functionary before usage. A copy of IVH rules can be obtained from one or more members wearing tie-dyed oxford shirts after written requests. Any transmission, rebroadcasting or any other pictures, descriptions or accounts of the IVH without expressed written consent is strictly prohibited. Comment below if you agree with said terms.
Spam mail. Everyone who has an email address gets at least one piece a day. And most of those pieces of spam mail are...well, they call it spam for a reason. I think that they should also call it something else: random.
For example: why do spammers insist on sending me Viagra/Cialis hits? Yeah, I might need that one day, but for now the package works just fine. I don't need it to work any more than the few times it does.
Bosley sends one: “Is Hair Restoration Right for You?” Um...no. Because I haven't exactly lost enough to have to restore it. And part of it is going grey.
There's another one about an old friend or lost love or classmate trying to reconnect. Okay. For one thing, I can be found on Facebook, Twitter, and my blog. For another, there's less than 50 people that I've known over the years that I would even reconnect with. I'm good. Leave me alone.
I mean, it's like my spammers don't even know me at all. “Do you need hip replacement surgery?” NO. $18 iPads? Doesn't exist. Besides, me and iPadJr. are getting acquainted just fine. (Love my iPadJr.) “Finally! Smoke Anywhere You Want, Legally!” I'm fine breathing anywhere I want. I won't even get into the ones where some random person from land far away has money in an account for me because my name ends in “ey.”
My favorite ones are the dating spammers. “Meet Asian Singles.” Okay, being 1/4-1/5 Japanese, I'm not against this concept, but...why email me that? I mean, I'll be clear: nobody's looking for me. And I'm fine with that. Spammers aren't going to find me a wife, let alone a girlfriend, let alone a one-night stand. There was another I saw for a sex dating site that said, “We have too many women! Men register free!”
Bullshit. In my brief foray into the online dating site scene—and any woman who's ever done it—I find that there is no dearth of men on any of them. Now, I didn't say “dateable men.” I said “men.” And it would seem that the ratio of guys to women on these sites are somewhere in the range of 11-to-1. Don't lie, porno site; there's like 20 women on that page (and the other 80 are bots), yet there's 1,000 guys talking to 80 bots, and another 500 talking to the other 20. Shut up, porno.
So, you can imagine my glee, when I click the “delete forever” hyperlink on these spam mails. Because, they don't know me at all. Otherwise, they'd just send me $15 per email.
Country musician and Celebrity Apprentice runner-up (to CNN's Piers Morgan) Trace Adkins and actor Windell D. Middlebrooks are on the show tonighh. Who's Windell Middlebrooks? The Miller High Life truck guy--and his new ABC show "Body of Proof" will be airing soon.