I met my new neighbor a few days ago. We live in a 55+ community here in Northern VA. Since most of us have moved here from other areas, most of us want to meet and get to know people in the neighborhood. I only talked with George briefly the first time we met, but he seemed friendly. He joined my husband's poker group.
We ran into each other outside yesterday and got into a longer conversation. We discussed the community, a little about our grandchildren, and mostly our houses -- particularly the difficulties of downsizing from a larger house and trying to fit everything into the new one.
When I mentioned we had moved here from Maryland, he expressed concern about the new "homosexual marriage" that is passing through the Maryland state legislature now. I said, "You mean 'same-sex marriage'?" and he said, "If you want to call it that."
He expressed concern that it would come "here". I asked what he meant, and he said, you know, two men living together here in this community.
I explained to him that there was nothing stopping a same-sex couple from living in our development and that I knew of at least one lesbian couple that was in the neighborhood. I asked why it was a problem for him and he said it just didn't sit right with him. I said I didn't have a problem with it.
We talked about it for awhile longer. We seldom get into political discussions in this community; it's almost a social taboo unless you know someone well. It was an unusual type of conversation for me. I come from Maryland which is much more liberal than Virginia. Most of the time when I talk about same-sex marriage with friends and family, I'm talking with people who feel the same way that I do.
He didn't seem mean-spirited about it; he seemed open to my views, and I even wondered if deep down inside he might want to be convinced to change.
I said that I thought allowing gays to marry was a good thing because it would allow them to take care of each other and do things like visit each other in the hospital when only spouses could visit, that they could take care of each other financially. He said that he thought they could do all that now. I said no, they couldn't in a lot of ways.
I talked about a couple I knew in Indiana, Pat and Michelle. Pat had muscular dystrophy. Michelle took care of her at in their home for years till Pat died. If not for Michelle, Pat would have been living in a nursing home being paid for by medicaid. And yet, Michelle could not file income tax jointly with Pat, or deduct the medical expenses she paid for. She couldn't declare Pat as a dependent for most of their lives together. I think this might have touched a chord since George's wife is disabled. I hope it did.
Living here in Northern VA has been kind of an enigma for me. It's the south, but not the deep south. Virginia went blue in 2008, then back red in 2010. This county (Loudoun) voted for Obama. People are quiet about political beliefs, not just in this development, but amongst the mothers I've met through the local moms' club (I take care of my 3 yr. old granddaughter so I spend time with several young mothers).
I don't know if it will ever make a difference to have this kind of conversation. I am pretty sure that George is never going to be joining the local democratic club. But I felt hopeful that at least we could have the conversation without hostility.