It seems Governor Scott Walker of Wisconsin has finally hit upon the trick that will save him many trips to Walgreens to buy Tylenol when it comes to his political status. He has simply outlawed the Democratic Party outright. As of 5pm today, the Democrats in Wisconsin have gone extinct.
"I have given the voters of Wisconsin the tools they need to be certain that their party will win every election from now until the end of time. Following extensive discussions in the backrooms of the Capitol here in Madison, Senate Majority Leader Scott Fitzgerald and I have introduced and immediately passed legislation that hereby nullifies the Democrat party as we know it in Wisconsin. I realize that the Democrats still exist in other states and as a National Party, but they can't vote here."
Following that statement, Walker opened a box of gold plated pens and began signing the bill on behalf of Republicans across the state. The room, full of Republican business people invited by the governor for that event and flown in at taxpayer expense, broke into applause loud enough drown out the protesters who were locked out of the Capitol building only hours before.
"I want to congratulate the 2012 Republican nominee for President in advance for their landslide win here in Wisconsin. I am sure he or she will do great things in the White House."
Walker went on to unfurl the new state flag, now a bright and cheery red, replacing the previous version which was blue and an obvious nod to the Democrats.
"In the long run, everyone will thank me for what we have done today. Wisconsin can now be proud that my administration took the effort to reach across the aisle and wipe them out."
Walker then left the room to work on his next legal hurdle: Privatizing the Green Bay Packers.
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That was my first attempt at being snarky here. I am not sure I have the hang of it yet, but I felt inspired. Cheers.