That is the question. I'm perched on the California coast in beautiful Mendocino county. It's been almost a week since I woke up to a tsunami alert and, in fact, Noyo Harbor (the main harbor in the area) suffered sufficient damage to be declared an emergency. So whatever is happening over there in Japan, I'm one of those West Coasters who has already felt the global connection and the sense that Pacific Ocean or no, Japan is not so far away that events there do not reach out and touch my life. My biggest question about all this, is how worried should I be about nuclear fallout?
I read a lot. I follow the news. I've heard all the experts tell me it's not something to worry about. Nevertheless, I've succumbed to the bandwagon effect, and moved to purchase Iodine tablets. After 9/11 I put an emergency kit into place and have maintained it since. But I don't have Iodine in it, and have decided that's a good addition. I've thought about how to get out of my home in the case of a major tsunami. I live about a half mile from the coast line and up about 265 feet. I find myself trying to see if that was enough in Japan. Did people who made it up to higher ground only have to get 300 feet up or did they have to get higher?
I read this morning that in Tokyo there's likely to be a blackout tonight and it made me shiver. I can't imagine the way being in Japan right now, especially in a city the size of Tokyo would rattle my nerves. I also read that they're hoping to have electricity to the nuclear plant today and that's the first news I've heard that made me think, maybe there's an end to this. Maybe they can get this situation back into control.
Nevertheless, I find myself thinking, what if they don't? What if all 6 reactors go south. What if they unload all their radiation into the environment? At what point do I need to recognize my own vulnerability here on the Pacific Coast? What should I be doing beside waiting and watching?
I find it difficult to go on with my "normal" life. I teach Critical Thinking in a small community college. We spent class time this week talking about how to sift through the information and judge its validity. We didn't have a whole lot of satisfaction with our answers. We aren't sure whether to trust the authorities or the outsiders who proclaim the authorities are lying.
I have the people I trust, like Rachel Maddow, and she's done a great job of educating her audience. It's sort of like tuning into a class and I appreciate it, but it doesn't resolve the bottom line, which is, how worried should I be? Should I be thinking about that interior space where I'm supposed to duck tape myself in? Should I be preparing to shelter in place?
There is something rather remarkable about the fact that I'm teaching Critical Thinking at a time when there's this kind of drama happening in the world. I told my students the other day that the important thing was to pay attention, to sift through the information and make informed decisions as best we can. I basically said, ignoring it all is not the best option. I didn't suggest they all run out and buy Iodine, I just said, educate yourself about what's going on around you. The world is a small place.
I've been gentle towards people lately. I think disaster anywhere in the world creates that kind of response in me. It makes life feel precious and vulnerable. I think about the birds at my bird feeder and wonder if the animals in Japan are okay. I saw a news piece about a dog that wouldn't leave the side of another dog who had been injured and couldn't move. Fortunately, both animals were rescued, but the fact of it made me cry. How many dogs were lost? How many cats?
Really, that's got nothing to do with my own dilemma. It's just an example of where my worried mind goes. It's an expression of why I'm sitting here, when I have a whole lot of things I need to accomplish, ordinary things demanded by my daily life, and instead I'm writing this diary, expressing the emotional confusion that's making choice and action more difficult than usual. Years ago, there was a TV special about nuclear war. I don't remember the name of it anymore, but it was on network TV. What sticks in my mind is a scene where a Midwestern housewife was trying the make the beds and do what she did everyday instead of going into the fallout shelter. When her husband grabbed her and pulled her away from her mindless attempt at "normalcy," she dissolved into hysteria. The image horrified me at the time and seems to still linger in my psyche.
I don't want to waste time in denial or in any other form of insanity. I want to make good choices right now, do the best thing for myself and the world. I just don't know what that is or how to figure out what it might be. And I teach Critical Thinking.....