Perpetual GOP presidential candidate Donald Trump has finally responded to the recent animal rights furor over his notable hairpiece. Trump was originally confronted last week with a Christian Science Monitor article revealing that designer wig maker Cheval by Andre had sold the billionaire a specialized toupee containing fur from the nearly-extinct Iberian Lynx, but until now he had declined to comment. A statement released this morning through his press agent admitted the accuracy of the story, but insisted he did nothing wrong.
This is the statement, in its entirety:
As a successful businessman, one of the most important lessons I've learned is that the fewer there are of something, the more valuable it becomes. The Iberian Lynx has nearly gone extinct because it has been devalued by a governmentalized system that tries to reward species for becoming endangered. By purchasing the fur of this animal, I am rebuilding its economic viability so that it has an incentive to survive.
That's what I feel America is all about. People who disagree are entitled to their opinions, but in a capitalist society we have something called markets, and when something becomes too rare, the market will naturally act to restore it by giving people a profit incentive to produce more of it. Those who would deprive the lynx of the support of market value are harming it, and hampering what might be some great investment opportunities.
My attorneys assure me that the transaction was fully legal, and I have already received many letters from ordinary, hard-working Americans thanking me for my free-market leadership on this issue. Those from my own employees have been especially numerous and effusive, I suppose because they know me the best. But this isn't just a financial decision, but also a moral decision. Being endangered should not exclude a species from an honorable place in the hairpieces, wardrobes, and on the dinner tables of those who properly value them, nor should consumers be deprived of a full selection of animal products.
Trump has a history of involvement with unusual animal products ventures, including one attempt to market human breast milk as a coffee creamer, but I don't imagine any of this is going to hurt him with rank-in-file Republican voters. If anything, it will make him seem more like one of them.