I just want to say thanks to this community. I love you guys. You've helped me to be able to get back on track over the past few weeks and I'm not sure how I can really express how grateful I am and I know I could never repay you guys. In case you missed it and have no idea what the hell I'm talking about:
I was doing pretty badly. I've been dealing with a computer that has given me problems for a year. Last year, Nurse Kelley and homogenius were going to try to get me a new computer, so I would be able to write and do things without fear of my computer crashing. Due partly to my hesitation and partly to other circumstances, it didn't happen, and my computer was functioning tolerably well for awhile. Skip forward to this year. After Netroots Nation last year, which completely erased my entire savings account, I've been saving money again. I only receive a tiny bit of income so it's basically a matter of saving $20 here and there, and putting any birthday or Christmas money I receive in the bank. So, this year I had finally saved enough to be able to visit my longtime friend in Illinois. I've known her since I was fourteen and we've never been able to meet in person - between me repeatedly ending up in the hospital for health issues and both of us being broke, it's been impossible. Then it was finally going to happen.
So of course, cue disaster.
A few weeks ago my computer started having irreparable problems. It'd already had missing keys and functions that no longer worked, and was growing extremities (I've had to attach a USB keyboard which I've replaced several times and a USB mouse which is now broken) and then it got a virus that didn't allow me to go to websites or anything, putting a warning up. I got rid of the damn thing, finally, but when I did my computer was basically shot. It would shut down about every half hour. Everything froze. All the time. I couldn't do anything on it - navigating between windows would freeze everything, listening to music would freeze everything, reading PDFs would freeze everything. I couldn't write diaries without saving them piece by piece onto wordpad or notepad.
Basically, as someone who lives in an isolated area surrounded by fields, and who's disabled and has zero friends - not to mention the fact that I'm an effing writer/blogger who uses a computer daily - I was really screwed. Do I go see a longtime friend I've wanted to see since I was fourteen years old or do I buy a computer that is my only access to the outside world and to what I love to do most?
Incidentally, I hadn't been considering going to Netroots Nation this year, because I'd rather see my friend. But then right before all this stuff happened, it was announced that Russ Feingold was going to be there. Now, okay. I'm not the type of person to idolize politicians or anything. I typically view them as term-limited, generic lawmakers and law-defenders who will be out of office sooner than not, and who are here to protect and extend the rights of the people in America. But I do have to admit that I've had an enormous amount of respect for Russ Feingold since I was in my mid teens. The guy is just brilliant and awesome. And - not that this is his only good policy stance - I can only have immense respect for anyone who has supported marriage equality since long before it was an 'acceptable' position. He even supported it in the context of being a prospective presidential candidate. After I found out he'd be there, I wanted to try to make the trip from Illinois, while I was there.
Then, as I said, the computer stuff happened.
So, I complained to my friends Nurse Kelley and RadioGirl. Mostly just to vent. Next thing I know, they were forcing me against my willorganizing a donation drive to let them get me a computer and help with my trip costs or elseto help me out so that I don't have to make decisions based on fear about my life. So I don't have to get rid of my entire savings account and still miss out on some important things.
So my friend RadioGirl wrote a donation diary explaining the situation and asking this community to help me. And then my friend Clarknt67 wrote a follow-up one. And I'm thrilled to report that I have my new computer! And it is amazing. I am back to writing and multitasking - and I can write better diaries with more research because now I can read PDFs with no problem.
And I still get to go see my friend! I've planned the trip and everything and I'm all squared away! And a Dkoser selflessly donated her Netroots Nation registration to me, so I'm going there too!
And I don't know how to express my thanks. It is not just about "getting stuff" for me. As I said in a note in Clarknt67's diary:
...I was left with choosing between actually having access to the outside world or visiting a lifelong friend I've tried so hard to visit for so many years. And I have severe anxiety problems (which I've written about before) and all these things have been weighing on me. So, I guess what I'm saying is that not only is this community helping me to stay afloat without completely emptying my savings account, but you have helped me gain peace of mind. And I don't know how to repay something like that.
I love having the "stuff" I bought (duh, who wouldn't?) but the important part to me is that I was in desperate need of help with problems, I was anxious and not sleeping and agonizing over what decision to make and what the (probably long-term) consequences were (not just for my blogging but for my friendships, which I've always had a hard time keeping) - I was looking for help and this community was right there for me. You all helped. You all alleviated my anxiety over a lot of problems I was having. And, as a cynical person who's been friendless since high school ended, it seriously warped my worldview, in a good way. And you made my life better by helping me.
I didn't know there were people like that out there - and I'm not exaggerating. As a gay paraplegic from the south, my life has never been easy. And I don't expect it to be easy in the future. But wow, there are a lot of people out there who are caring and who are giving, and concerned about me. That's more than I could have thought possible. So thank you.