I still clearly remember the very first time I went somewhere with Itzl, somewhere dogs aren't normally allowed. I was shy about it. After all, Americans are incredibly anti-pet. You wouldn't know it given the huge numbers of pets people have, but look beneath that, and you'll find the huge number of laws restricting pet ownership and where pets can go, and the shockingly high number of ill-cared-for pets, pets who aren't trained, are over-fed or poorly fed, and paraded about as ornaments rather than as living beings with their own needs and preferences. And here I was, about to step across those barriers by taking a dog into an American store. I didn't have the courage to go to a restaurant then.
It didn't matter, really, that I had every right to be there and because I had the right to be there, so did Itzl.
I didn't go alone. I couldn't.
It's scary, really scary, to do something society absolutely frowns upon. And American society seriously frowns upon dogs being out in public, in stores, in restaurants, in hotels, on planes or buses, at festivals, and at work. Dogs should be caged up, behind fences or closed doors, not out and about. Not even cute well-behaved, intensively trained ones like Itzl.
So, I made my daughter go with me. We went to a ahrdware store. No food, so they couldn't object, right?
The first person who approached us, the man in the paint department, told my daughter we couldn't have a dog in there. She bravely said, "He's a service dog." And the man smiled and turned away and elt us in! It was hard, hard to admit I needed this little dog and hard to speak up and say I needed him. I was so glad I had my daughter there to speak for me.
And all she said was a simple, "He's a service dog." and we were in. No more questions, no glares, nothing. The man back in plumbing asked to pet Itzl, and the cashier commented on how cute he was.
It was that easy.
But I had someone with me. Could I do it on my own? I'd have to. My daughter wasn't always going to be with me. The whole reason for having a dog was to be able to go out and about with her or without a friend, to give me back the independence that had been mine for decades.
I started looking for a signal dog a week after I was hit by a backing SUV in a parking lot. I hadn't heard the back-up beeps and didn't know the SUV was backing into me. I wasn't hurt badly - road rash and bruises - but it highlighted that I couldn't depend on my observational skills to compensate for the hearing loss. I wouldn't always be looking the right direction and next time, I might not be at the edge of the backing car's range. See, the person who hit me never stopped, didn't know they'd hit someone. I was lucky to be at the end of the back-up arc, just where the car stopped backing and started going forward. I was knocked down. But what if I'd been closer?
I stopped going anywhere alone that day. But Itzl was trained and ready. I had to be ready, too.
So the next time, I went with just Itzl. The two of us, out shopping. I went to Target. Itzl alerted to tell me someone was calling my name, so I turned and saw a security guard. I felt sick at my stomach and was getting ready to be evicted. But he saw Itzl's ID card and smiled and told us to have a nice day. Weak-kneed, I clung to the shopping cart, and then smiled back, thanked him, and went in.
It was hard. And it was easy.
I'll tell you a secret - it doesn't get easier. When we go somewhere new, somewhere we've never been before, I always get that sick feeling just waiting for someone to tell us we can't be there and make us leave. Most of the time it really is easy, and I get all worked up for nothing.
But sometimes, just often enough to keep me anxious, someone gets really angry about me having an animal somewhere they shouldn't be. They won't look at Itzl's ID, they refuse to accept that any dog other than a seeing eye dog can be a service dog, and they get belligerent. I leave, all shaking and upset, and go straight home, leaving only to go to work, sometimes for weeks before I work up the courage to go back out again.
I cling to the memory of the first time I went out with Itzl alone, how easy it was, and remind myself that it's mostly easy.
Itzl has alerted me many times on backing up SUVs and trucks so I can get out of the way. I've never come close to being hit again because of him.
I'm glad I have the right to go places with him, because without him, I probably wouldn't be going anywhere.