A shocking (to some) or heartwarming (to others) video has surfaced, bringing to the forefront the newly controversial subject of interspecies marriage. Watch the video, and decide for yourselves!
Heedless of looking like complete dipwits Always willing to take a principled stand, the candidates for the 2012 Presidency have expressed their positions on this critical issue.
Michele Bachmann. When I saw this video, I knew that God had spoken to me through the YahwehTube, and told me in my heart that I must introduce a constitutional amendment outlawing dolphin sex.
Mike Huckabee. Ick. Ick. Ick ick. Now, I'm a likeable guy, and I like cats as much as the next guy, especially Southern cats. But snuggling with foreigners? Denizens of Neptune's domain? Just ick.
Donald Trump. I'm against it. And if I lose the nomination because of that, I'll run as a third party candidate. On the 'Know Nothing about Interspecies Sex' ticket. Oh, and the dolphin -- it's fired.
Tim Pawlenty. ((a comment so boring and lacking in humor that even a diary this bad will not print it))
Sarah Palin. My cats get cozy all the time with my moose. There's nothing wrong with that, so long as no one gets an abortion. Wasn't there a budget rider outlawing moose abortions? And wasn't Obama against it? You betcha.
Newt Gingrich. I'm sure the dolphin was only doing his patriotic duty.
Mitt Romney. Five years ago, I signed a socialist health care bill into law. Why wouldn't I be in favor of the Massachusetts Interspecies Marriage Act? Because Rush Limbaugh will call me a toad, you say? DEATH TO INTERSPECIES MARRIAGE!
Rand Paul. Shrug ((c.f. Atlas)). Can I vote to shut down the government now?
Rick Santorum. You know, that dolphin looked like he was covered with...
Fred Karger. As the only openly gay Republican candidate running for President in the known universe, I believe there is a fundamental right to the purrrrsuit of happiness.
President Obama. Where's God? Was He mixed up in this? Anyway, since cats and dolphins evolved separately, I think a civil union is all they can expect.