I live in a state where my driver's license must be renewed every six years.
In order to help busy, working people who are loathe to stand in line at DMV facilities, I am able to go to any AAA Office to have my license renewed.
Piece of cake. Right?
Not so fast. Follow me as I spent the last two days in hell provided by the Department of Motor Vehicles.
First, my license expired April 12th, the day of my birthday. As one of those teachers who hardly works, I had spent the previous two weeks at school, arriving at 7AM and not leaving until 6. I advise clubs and coach specific academic teams. This time of year is packed with one competition after another.
Did I worry about the license? Of course not. After all, the last time I needed a renew, it took no more than five minutes at a AAA Office.
I left school at 4:30 on Monday, rushing to the nearest office. My old license in hand, my checkbook ready for the fee, I made it to the door just before closing. Small line of people, but it seemed to be moving fast.
I got to the counter, surrended my old license, wrote the check, the clerk did her payment thing in the computer. All set, she assured me. Time for the picture.
The picture was going to make me look like a meth addict due to the loads of antibiotics and prednisone I was taking for my asthma- thank you blooming trees.
Sat down, smiled as best I could, and then I heard the "uh oh."
"What?" I asked.
"Looks like you can't get your license renewed here. The computer is saying you have to go to a full motor vehicle department."
"Is there a reason?"
"We have no access to the main computers. Sorry."
My next move was to call the State Motor Vehicle Department who had no idea at first, put me on hold, came back to tell me they were not at liberty to tell me why I could not use AAA.
Did I have outstanding tickets? No.
Had I paid my taxes? Yes.
I wasn't on Ambian, so I couldn't have had one of those moments when I, not knowing what I was doing, drove over a baby in a stroller.
Tuesday- my actual birthday, was spent waiting at the dreaded DMV. People took forever to fill out forms. One person couldn't decide if his picture should be with his sweater on or off. I almost strangled him.
Finally, my turn. Besides the laminating machine breaking down, which pushed back the lamination of my new license, all went well.
Putting my new license away, I asked the gentleman behind the counter why I wasn't able to use the AAA.
He assured me it was there new security program. Security for what? I asked for the reason I had to come to the MVD.
The big security issue? What made me and others so dangerous?
" Well," the MVD guy said, " seems you once had a license in another state at one time."
"Uh, yeah," I said. " I used to live in Massachusetts."
"That's it!" he said.
That was THE reason that kept me from renewing my license at AAA.
As I turned to leave, I said, " so I'm guilty of having lived in Massachusetts."
"But I didn't vote for Rommey."
As I walked to my car, it started to pour.
Happy Birthday to me. Now fork over that martini.