Arizona’s own Senator Jon Kyl’s recent remarks about Planned Parenthood have become the political equivalent of a well-dressed and properly coiffed fellow who slips on a banana peel, slides across a slippery surface, and falls headfirst into a steaming pile of horse hockey. If the current round of laughter (see this article) at his failed attempt to claim innocence about an out-and-out lie is the worst that happens to him, well, then so be it. I suspect his remark will appear in his obituary as the singularly most important thing he accomplished while in the U. S. Senate.
Actually, I did not intend that last statement to be a factual statement. Pardon me.
What I meant to say is that Senator Kyl has a distinguished record of being on the wrong side of progress, which is to say he justly deserves his ranking by National Journal as the 4th most conservative member of the U.S. Senate. He has opposed the START Treaty, voted against health care reform, supports SB 1070, the controversial and (at least as far as the Federal Appeals Court has it) unconstitutional bill designed to intimidate persons of color out of the state, and apparently thought it was amusing when a group of bloggers used Google Bombs to disparage his opponent while pumping up his Internet ratings. To no one’s surprise, he is a fan of Paul Ryan’s budget plan, opposes Obama on everything, and has made it clear that he would very much like to be Vice President of the United States. He is also in favor of nuking Libya to save money.
Sorry. I didn’t mean that last statement to be factual, either.
I really meant to say that Kyl’s official position on our strategic intervention in Libya is a blank spot on his anti-terrorism map, at least according to the National Security pageon his website. Given his support for continuing the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan despite their cost and his firm stance on reducing the budget deficit through draconian measures coupled with financial support for building more ballistic missiles, one may reasonably conclude that nuking Libya might well appeal to him. And why not? Got use those missiles. And one nuke is cheaper than 112 Tomahawk missiles by a wide margin.
To be fair, I have to say Senator Kyl is on the right side of Crime Victim’s Rights and on the enforcement of laws restricting illegal Internet gambling. But really now, both of those issues are hard to be “against,” unless you are a career criminal and/or addicted to Internet gambling. If your life falls into either one of those categories, there is little hope that legislation will cure you. But at least it will help those you hurt. And for that, thank you Jon Kyl. And thank you Diane Feinstein, who co-sponsored the Crime Victims’ Rights Act.
See, Jon Kyl is not such a bad guy after all. He wants to see criminals go to jail. Isn’t that genius? And he wants victims to have lawyers. No surprise, really, given that he is lawyer himself. But not a bad idea, given that we are a rule of law society. Except, of course, when it comes to bailing out banks who have robbed us, or illegally foreclosing on property, which, of course, as a good conservative concerned about upholding the law, Jon Kyl opposes.
Whoops. I did it again. Actually, Jon Kyl supported the bailout and has done nothing about foreclosures, despite the fact that they are rampant in Arizona.
What about education? How does Senator Kyl stand on one of the really tough issues facing Arizona and indeed the whole of the United States? From his public statements it is clear that he, like everyone else, values education and wants to ensure that what we provide to students is the best education we can afford. Which is Repubicanspeak for opposing increased educational funding for public schools, supporting Arizona’s law that now allows taxpayers to “donate” up to $1,000 to support charter/religious schools instead of public schools, and thinking the following quiz (from his official website) is what all Arizona kids should know:
SENATOR JON KYL'S
ARIZONA QUIZ FOR STUDENTS
1. Arizona was the __ state admitted into the Union.
(A) 47TH
(B) 48TH
(C) 49TH
(D) 50TH
2. ____ is Arizona’s current Governor.
(A) Janet Napolitano
(B) Jane Dee Hull
(C) Jan Brewer
(D) John McCain
3. The capital of Arizona is _____.
(A) Tucson
(B) Flagstaff
(C) Phoenix
(D) Yuma
4. What colors are on the state flag of Arizona?
(A) Red, Blue, and Green
(B) Yellow, Orange, and Blue
(C) Red, Yellow, Teal, and Orange
(D) Red, Copper, Blue, and Yellow
5. The motto of the state of Arizona (Ditat Deus) means:
(A) Nothing Without God’s Will
(B) In God We Trust
(C) God Enriches
(D) May God Be With You
6. Arizona’s baseball team Is:
(A) The Arizona Cardinals
(B) The Arizona Diamondbacks
(C) The Arizona Coyotes
(D) The Arizona Sundevils
7. What year and day did Arizona become a state?
(A) April 14, 1912
(B) March 13, 1915
(C) February 9, 1904
(D) February 14, 1912
8. ____ and ___ are the two current Senators of Arizona.
(A) John Kyle and Jon McKaine
(B) Barry Goldwater and Dennis DeConcini
(C) Jon Kyl and John McCain
(D) John McCain and Janet Napolitano
9. Arizona’s state flower is the _____.
(A) The Saguaro Blossom
(B) The Palo Verde
(C) The Cactus Wren
(D) The Arizona Rose
10. What is the state nickname of Arizona?
(A) The Cactus State
(B) The Grand Canyon State
(C) The Desert State
(D) The Rattlesnake State
Click Here for answers
Surely knowing the right answers to these fail-safe questions is what we want all of our children to know. And surely knowing those answers will prepare them for citizenship. Or for thinking independently about the tough issues facing our state, our nation, and the world. Or even, say, preparing them for a job.
Meet Jon Kyl. He is just like you and me.
Darn. I did it again. I’m sorry. I did not intend that last statement to be factual.
Because it isn’t.