Skip to main content

Once, when I was eleven, I needed my mother.  I don't remember the particular reason now, I only know I thought I desperately needed her.  Only she was sitting at the kitchen table working on her recipe box and no matter how I asked her to talk to me, she refused.  She told me I could not get her to pay attention to me.  

I'll admit I was supposed to be a difficult child.  I was ADHD, though I had an unusual diagnosis.  Having been born in 1944, the term had either not been invented or the doctor in my small Missippi town had not heard of it.  He told my parents the only way he could explain my behavior was that had I been born a horse, I would have been a race horse.  Pretty good description, if you ask me.

It was summertime and hot in Georgia and I needed my mother.  She was mostly a distant mother for a difficult child, though I once had a therapist tell me I wasn't a bad child, my parents were inadequate at parenting me.  She also added she thinks all parents do the best they can do, however, it often can be inadequate for the child.  So I no longer blame my parents for my behavior.  I own it.  But I certainly didn't at eleven.

At eleven I was angry and sad and scared and I wanted my mother to talk to me.  So I went out to the backyard to sulk and figure out what I could do.  About that time I saw the wasp nest that was on our house and a great idea came to me.  I took down the wasp nest and took it inside.  "Mother," I said.  "If you don't pay attention to me, I am going to eat all this wasp larvae."  She didn't look up, nor did she answer me.  She just kept right on with those hateful recipes and for the first time, I thought to myself I might just have to eat the wasp larvae.  

Slowly, with exxagerated movements - surely my mother would notice any moment and stop me - I got out the big iron skillet and filled the bottom with butter.  I turned on the skillet and melted the butter, all the while my heart was pounding and I was sure, that at any moment, my mama would say, "Rachel, don't be silly darling.  You are not to eat wasp larvae and I will gladly stop this with my recipes and talk with you."  But try as hard as I could, I never heard those words.

And, stubborn as I was, I dug out all the wasp larvae and put it in the skillet with the sizzling butter.  I fried them and there were quite a few.  It took forever for them to turn from yellow to a pale brown and, as I stirred, tears began finding themselves down my cheeks.  I think I let out a little sob that no mother could ignore and would definitely stop their child.  Only I heard nothing from my mother at the table, but index cards being shuffled about.  So I fried the wasp larvae and sat down and ate them.  All of them.  Truly it wasn't that bad as I mostly tasted the butter.  But truly it was that bad as I knew what was going down my throat.  

I couldn't stop the tears streaming, and all this time I watched my mother and her recipes.  And not once did she try and stop me.  When I finished all the larvae my mother looked at me and said, "You can't do anything to control me."  And that's it.  The day I ate the wasp larvae because I needed a mother.  I wish I could say that stopped me doing crazy things to get her attention, but actually, it was only the beginning.

Thank you for reading.  rachel

Originally posted to racheltracks on Sun Apr 17, 2011 at 11:08 AM PDT.

Also republished by Bright Shiny and Community Spotlight.

Your Email has been sent.
You must add at least one tag to this diary before publishing it.

Add keywords that describe this diary. Separate multiple keywords with commas.
Tagging tips - Search For Tags - Browse For Tags


More Tagging tips:

A tag is a way to search for this diary. If someone is searching for "Barack Obama," is this a diary they'd be trying to find?

Use a person's full name, without any title. Senator Obama may become President Obama, and Michelle Obama might run for office.

If your diary covers an election or elected official, use election tags, which are generally the state abbreviation followed by the office. CA-01 is the first district House seat. CA-Sen covers both senate races. NY-GOV covers the New York governor's race.

Tags do not compound: that is, "education reform" is a completely different tag from "education". A tag like "reform" alone is probably not meaningful.

Consider if one or more of these tags fits your diary: Civil Rights, Community, Congress, Culture, Economy, Education, Elections, Energy, Environment, Health Care, International, Labor, Law, Media, Meta, National Security, Science, Transportation, or White House. If your diary is specific to a state, consider adding the state (California, Texas, etc). Keep in mind, though, that there are many wonderful and important diaries that don't fit in any of these tags. Don't worry if yours doesn't.

You can add a private note to this diary when hotlisting it:
Are you sure you want to remove this diary from your hotlist?
Are you sure you want to remove your recommendation? You can only recommend a diary once, so you will not be able to re-recommend it afterwards.
Rescue this diary, and add a note:
Are you sure you want to remove this diary from Rescue?
Choose where to republish this diary. The diary will be added to the queue for that group. Publish it from the queue to make it appear.

You must be a member of a group to use this feature.

Add a quick update to your diary without changing the diary itself:
Are you sure you want to remove this diary?
(The diary will be removed from the site and returned to your drafts for further editing.)
(The diary will be removed.)
Are you sure you want to save these changes to the published diary?

Comment Preferences

Subscribe or Donate to support Daily Kos.

Click here for the mobile view of the site