After a long day at work on Monday, I came home and saw a blue envelope on my front hall dresser. This is where I usually find my mail after a day of work (I guess my Mail Fairy makes sure I see the important stuff). I looked at it and in big bold letters, I could read STATE OF THE NATION SURVEY. I figured this must be important, so I put on my glasses to further inspect it.
The first thing I noticed was the stamps. There were three; two were black with a Tiffany lamp shade (each for one cent) and a red one with what's described as a "Silver coffeepot" for three cents. Silly me, I thought it was a teapot.
Then, I took a look at the return address.
JOHN BOEHNER, SPEAKER
I was right; it was a teapot!
I announced to the assembled that I was going to have fun answering this survey!
Inside was the survey (Registration Number 0003398), a return envelope, and a letter from Mr. Speaker.
The first paragraph read:
As the new Speaker of the House, it's my job to make sure our new Republican Majority follows through on our Pledge to America to stop President Obama's job-destroying agenda, cut government spending, and help job creators get back on their feet.
Well, good thing I wasn't playing a drinking game; I may have been blotzo after that!
I could list some of the more ridiculous paragraphs in the letter, but if I had to take a drink for every use of "Obama", "job-killing" (or a synonym), "Pelosi", or "liberal", I'd have been taken to the ER.
So, I went to the survey, and surprisingly, you couldn't answer "yes" to all of them. Heck, they even had a chance to select "undecided", which I found very surprising.
The first question was a good one:
1. Do you believe that the State of the Nation has improved under the leadership of Barack Obama, Nancy Pelosi, and the Democrats?
I naturally answered "Yes".
I liked this one:
7. Do you believe that businesses have held off hiring new workers because of the uncertainty caused by the many new mandates, taxes and requirements in the ObamaCare legislation?
See; I have to answer "No" to this one.
Then, we get to the best part: the asking of the funds. Here's the confirmation reply, with my edits:
Dear Speaker Boehner,
I realize that the only way we can ensure that the state of our nation improves is to help our new Republican House Majority -fight to expose the Obama-Pelosi record and work to repeal their liberal, big-spending programs.- CREATE MORE GOOD-PAYING, GREEN JOBS!.
And, to help the NRCC, I enclosed [X] Other $0.00, with the following note:
Why would I support a party who favors the redistribution of wealth from the American middle-class to the wealthiest people? The same party that wants to cut taxes on the wealthy, when doing so has produced NO JOB GROWTH?? And, a party that wants to destroy unions, ruin public education, and insert their morality into state and federal law?
Your party was not voted into power to oppose the Affordable Health Care Act. Your party was voted into power because people are angry about the job stagnation. Which is preposterous because the Bush Tax Cuts provided NO JOB OR WAGE GROWTH. If the jobs don't come, and they likely will need to be government jobs, then you will be a one-term Speaker.
Signed, my name
So, it's signed and sent, and it will probably be tossed either after reading the first answer or seeing the contribution of $0.00. But, hey, it was a fun exercise.
Thanks for letting me rant.