WASHINGTON, D.C. (AP) - President Barack Obama, ahead of his multiple television interviews he has scheduled for tomorrow to discuss the diary "Ezra Klein Calls President Obama A Moderate Republican" written by slinkerwink on the Daily Kos website, has issued a statement strongly condemning the diary.
"Let me be clear: this type of rhetoric has no place on a Democratic website," the statement reads. "It is despicable and personally hurtful. Despite the fact that there were no actual insults in the diary, its critical tone has done grave damage to the moral fabric of our politics. As such, we will use all necessary means to stop publication of further diaries by slinkerwink."
The statement came on the heels of the massive political fallout from the diary's publication this afternoon. Gas prices skyrocketed and markets plunged over uncertainties surrounding slinkerwink's future diary recommendations. A poll just released by Gallup showed President Obama's approval rating dipping from 48% earlier this morning to just 29% after the diary was published. A series of rebuttal diaries by blue aardvark and Upper West did mitigate the effects somewhat, causing nationwide approval to rise back up to 38%. "They are true American patriots," Vice President Joe Biden said in impromptu remarks at the National Press Club. "If they don't want to pay their taxes this year, we're cool with that."
But clearly, the damage had been done.
"This is a huge, huge unforced error," said Larry Sabato, political scientist at the University of Virginia. "Historically, voters do not take kindly to diaries that have the word 'BREAKING' in them, and they also do not take to diaries that are in any way critical of the president. Anything that is less than unyielding loyalty to the president makes them question the direction of his policies and leads to unmitigated political damage."
Charie Cook, author of the Cook Report, agrees. His latest article, titled "2012: It's Trump's To Lose Now", states "This couldn't have come at a worse time for Obama. With the election only eighteen months away, and fresh off of the heels of the 'Obama wants to end Social Security' diary fiasco, we have slinkerwink calling the president a moderate Republican. Sure, she didn't say it in as many words, but was there any doubt what she was really thinking? The country quite clearly doesn't." (Cook goes by the name "hotpants183" on the Daily Kos website).
Republicans were quick to jump on the controversy, with Speaker John Boehner (user name: "orangerulz") calling slinkerwink "the voice of the Tea Party," and adding "she has articulated in a few paragraphs what was on the heart of every American: the only way to solve this country's problems is to cut taxes for our wealthiest and most productive citizens."
After the diary's publication, an emergency meeting of the president's National Security Council in the Situation Room was called to determine whether slinkerwink would be tried in a civilian court or a military tribunal, with Secretary of State Hillary Clinton calling for "the Manning treatment". Eyewitness reports that Obama was silently weeping and rocking in his chair during the meeting were not confirmed.
"This is outrageous," said Charles "Bud" Wheeler, an auto parts store manager in Harrisburg, PA. "I thought slinkerwink was change I could believe in. Guess the Democrats are all still just bickering children who can't be trusted to make decisions for our country. Didn't they learn their lesson from the Obama-Clinton primary meta-wars?"
"There's so many questions that the American people have that are still unanswered," said dentist Orly Taitz, who leads a group called the "slinkers", who insist that the diary was not published by slinkerwink and who runs the website www.wherestheipaddress.com. "Why was there a twelve second gap between the publication of the diary and its tip jar? How was the title of her diary 'magically' changed after an error was pointed out in it? And who are these people who keep adding recs to all of her comments, and what is their connection with Al-Qaeda?" Ms. Taitz currently has twenty two lawsuits filed in district courts around the country related to this matter.
Markos Moulitsas, the founder of Daily Kos, was busy receiving marching orders from Generalissimo George Soros and could not be reached for comment.