freshrant.com — Billionaire real estate tycoon and Busey-Meatloaf Brat Pack member, Donald Trump arrived in the all-important primary state of New Hampshire to take credit for forcing one of "the blacks" occupying the White House into releasing his long form birth certificate.
Trump shocked a small gathering of reporters, birthers and those just hoping for a glimpse of Omarosa by releasing what he called "his own secret weapon," a long form Certificate of Dickishness".
Trump proudly said of the document, "By the time I was in third grade, my teachers and classmates already recognized me as a major tool. In my family, pricks were considered to be a good thing. My dad paid my teacher to draw up a document that proved I was a certifiable wanker. The school was only too happy to comply. I am really proud of myself and very honored for being able to show the world for who I really am."
Reporters who were given copies of the document to examine said it appeared to be authentic in its claims that Trump, even at a very young age, was "an insufferable knob with a premature comb over."
Records from Chauncey's Elementary School and Day Spa show that the school graduated Trump five years early "so that 'the Donald', as the lad demands to be called, could show the world what we already know. He's an irritating little pecker."
It's rumored that the reality show mogul rushed to release his certificate of dickitude to bolster his own scholastic resume after Trump raised new questions about the validity of Obama's academic career at Columbia and Harvard Law School.
"I mean anyone who is told he can leave elementary school five years early proves I was born a schlong," Trump crowed before boarding his helicopter."
No one has come forward to dispute the authenticity of Trump's claim.