This diary is a contest.
Donald Trump needs attention like a meth addict needs a dental plan. He needs reporters and press conferences like Quint needed a bigger boat. After making an utter fool of himself over the birth certificate, he tried to pivot to school transcripts. That won't last long.
So what's next? What atrocity will The Donald visit upon us all to sate his desperate need for love?
I'll start off below the festive Orange Squiggle of Delight with some of my own suggestions. If you, my loyal readers, can supply a bunch more, we can use polls to select the best ones. Winner receives mad mojo clickies from yours truly.
P.S. Even Republicans join in the fun with Trump.
"I've come to New Hampshire today because I'm very concerned. I want to see the original long-form certificate of Donald Trump's Republican registration. - Rand Paul
- Posting pictures of road kill in the pootie diaries
- Wearing the pelts of endangered species as toupees
- Remaking Casablanca, It's a Wonderful Life, Shane, and Raiders of the Lost Ark with himself in the lead role (Rick, George, Shane, and Indy, respectively)
- Buying a small town and renaming it TrumpTown
- Publishing a book of his own poems
- Forming a rock band and starting the Enormous Torpedo of Trump tour
- Putting giant LCD screens on the exterior of buildings he owns showing his face saying "You're Fired!" over and over and over
- Reworking Celebrity Apprentice as Aspiring Porn Star Apprentice
- Divorce his wife and attempt to woo Lady Gaga as the replacement
- Start a rocket / spaceship company called Universal Trump
- Appear on an episode of "Undercover Boss" and fire everyone he meets
- Travel to Pakistan armed with a rifle, a sword, and a pistol, intended to kill Osama bin Laden in single combat
OK, that's what I can come up with in a few minutes of effort. Over to you. How low can he go?
- Actbriniel - Release Fake Tax Returns to inflate his apparent wealth
- Edge PA - Shave his head and start wearing a yellow wrist band after announcing if he wins the nomination his VP candidate will be Lance Armstrong
- Tracker - A new reality show where the many GOP Presidential candidates all move into one house. My suggested title: The Unreal World
- La Feminista - Adds the role of Perseus from Clash of the Titans to #3
- Statusquomustgo - Buy a circus and hire himself as barker
- High Uintas - Claim to be Dr. Who™ and to be the father of the Fathers of our country