After twenty years of smoking cigarettes, I have quit. Today is day seven. Day Seven! A whole week has gone by since I awoke one morning determined to eradicate cigarettes from my life.
Several major developments in my life have converged, lighting a fire under my butt to be serious about ridding my family and myself of my cigarette addiction.
Two years ago, I began programing my thoughts out of "I need a cigarette" in a variety of ways. I began telling myself that I wanted one, not needed. I changed my smoking habits and patterns, gradually. I waited 15 minutes, then 30 minutes after waking up or eating meal to smoke.
Very recently, I developed kidney issues and learned I have allergies. Smoking makes these worse. I have been feeling doubly dumb for continuing such unhealthy behavior. My husband just spent a year and a half caring for his mom while she died of lung cancer. How can I continue to smoke around him without being an insensitive jerk in three or four different ways?
I was a rarity in my family; not many of us smoke the cigarettes. I have had support from around the world in my endeavor to quit the nicotine. I used both Facebook and You Tube to create public accountability in regards to my effort. If I failed, I would smoke online, on camera. Everyone would know, and my shame would be recorded.
I also vented my frustration on an x of mine, a total jerk who responded to my "attack" by insulting me. He called me a fat, whore, evil, lying, bitch and made rude comments about my bisexuality, and how I am in the bedroom. It hurt my feelings, but I asked for a bit of it by messaging him first. But then, my Facebook message was to ask him why he never gave me the benefit of the doubt, and his replies were hateful invectives.
And still, I did not smoke. Then I reported his messages as spam, which is rude considering that I messaged him first.
WooHoo!