Welcome to Awards Edition Plus, your one-stop snark shop for hypocrisy and the politicians and media figures that bring it to you.
Tonight: Executive Editor Sirius the Cat slams Wiccans for the horrible oppression and bigotry they bring to modern society. She counters this by calling them out and confronting them with reasoned arguments and scrutiny, dissection, criticism and mockery. Plus, a special Editorial from Managing Editor commonmass.
In the News of Dubious Veracity Department the Donald is arrested for pootie abuse.
And of course, the Golden Douchenozzle Award is awarded.
Follow me over the squiggly do-dad for more..
Commmass' Editoral.
Here's something which has been vexing me lately. What would a person of decent intelligence do with something that looks like a duck, walks like a duck and speaks like a human being? Why they would get that duck into moving pictures, and fast. But a Republican? A Republican would run it for public office. McCloskey would send a friendly traffic cop to see to it that they could get from the Boston Public Gardens to the State House, where they would proceed to be sworn in as Democrats from Dorchester and Republicans from Beacon Hill representing the Watch and Ward Society.
The Republicans though have the opposite problem. They have elected officials that look like a human being, walk like a human being, but talk like a duck. Here's some examples:
Bachmann: "Quack! QuackQuack!"
Trump: "Quack! Quack! Quack!"
Dr. Rand Paul, Quack.
See what I mean? Those Republicans, they never learn. Let's hope they stay that way.
--CM
Awards Edition Plus Editorial
by Sirius the Cat
Wicca: The Greatest Threat to our Republic Today
Wicca isn't just a belief system: it's a religion and as such deserves to be dissected, scrutinized, criticized and ridiculed. An opiate of the alternative lifestyle crowd, it has recently supplanted the Gamers as one of the most serious threats to absolute absoluteness, otherwise known as Science or, occasionally, as Spiro Agnew once said, the "great atheist majority" which is "horribly oppressed" by people like the Episcopal Bishop of New Hampshire--worthy himself of a Golden Douchenozzle Award by virtue of the fact that he has spent his whole life fighting for equality and social justice but carries the enormous flaw of sharing two things with Desmond Tutu: being a bishop and being a Christian. I called Nelson Mandela the other day and Mikael Gorbachev answered. He told me to go to hell. I guess Gorby was busy writing a book. But I digress.
The problem with Wicca, as I see it, is that it is a religion. Granted, a kind of nature-based-cum-Animist religion. But a religion nonetheless. I mean, these people strut around naked worshiping fire! Now back in the late 17th Century, in Salem, Massachusetts, they knew what to do with alternative belief systems. Hang them. Of course, this was done by people who themselves had alternative belief systems (ie, rejected commonmass' ridiculous Anglican Church) and none of those hanged had anything to do with Wicca. Doesn't matter. Those magistrates did exactly what all opposers of religion should do: scrutinize, dissect, criticize, ridicule and....well, I won't say.
Stop the Wiccans at every possible avenue: scrutinize, dissect, criticize, and ridicule. If you need some help learning how to do that, you can ask a Southern Baptist or a militant atheist. They'll be happy to help.
--Sirius the Cat
News of Dubious Veracity Department
via the New Jerk Daily News
SPA Brings Charges Against Donald Trump
The Society for the Protection of Animals has finally brought charges against Donald Trump for the abuse of the cat that for years has served as hairpiece. The cat, named Jack, has been placed in a foster home pending the outcome of the trial. While it cannot be confirmed, it is possible that the cat has been placed in the home of one of the McGarrigle Sisters who only could be quoted to say "Kitty, come home".
and without further ado.....oh WAIT!
Usually, we have nominees. I am getting ready to de-camp to The Rock, up north of here, so it's quick......
The Golden Douchenozzle Award!!
Paul Ryan!!!!
Paul Ryan continues to be a douchenozzle. He know's he's licked, but can't enjoy it. He's got his tail, such as it was on his mullet in 1984, between his legs. DOUCHENOZZLE.
Please join us each Wednesday evening at 8PM EDT for Awards Edition Plus. Nominations can be sent to my dKos email or to whcomonmass-sixty-seven-at-geemail-dot-com.