So, Stephen Colbert's originally from South Carolina. And now his home state wants the "freedom" to keep the environmentally unfriendly incandescent light bulbs instead of switching over to compact fluorescent light bulbs. Given that they've also recently held celebrations over the 150th anniversary of the Civil War, Stephen was able to brilliantly compare this light bulb bill to the fight over slavery. It is a work of brilliance.
NBC4 (3/29/2011): In South Carolina, a proposed House bill called the Incandescent Light Bulb Freedom Act would allow a bulb manufacturer in the state to continue making incandescent bulbs, as long as they are sold in South Carolina.
We South Carolinians are committed to keeping our light bulbs as local as our gene pool. We don't expect outsiders to understand, this is a heritage issue. It's a matter of states' lights. Because it is a proven scientific fact that compact fluorescent bulbs are inferior to incandescents. They are noticeably darker. I'd say about 3/5s as bright.
Video and transcript below the fold.
Folks, as I am sure you know, 2011 marks the sesquicentennial of the American Civil War. Sesquicentennial of course means 100 in Sasquatch years. In fact, on Tuesday, my home state of South Carolina celebrated Confederate Memorial Day, the traditional start of Confederate summer, which ends on Confederate Labor Day. Confederate labor. of course, was done by these people.
Remember, after Confederate Labor Day, you don't want to be caught wearing white, you just want to be white. You see, the Civil War, I believe, is much misunderstood. It was not about slavery, it was about states' rights. Just like World War II was about facial hair.
And states' rights are just as relevant today. That's why tonight, I am proud to introduce the first in my 4-year series...
Tonight, the dimmest threat to liberty yet: light bulbs. Folks, I've warned you the federal energy regulations are about to abolish traditional incandescent bulbs. They want us to use these unnatural compact fluorescent bulbs. It looks like a soft-serve ice cream cone, but trust me, it's not. I am proud to say that South Carolina is fighting back.
NBC4 (3/29/2011): In South Carolina, a proposed House bill called the Incandescent Light Bulb Freedom Act would allow a bulb manufacturer in the state to continue making incandescent bulbs, as long as they are sold in South Carolina.
We South Carolinians are committed to keeping our light bulbs as local as our gene pool. We don't expect outsiders to understand, this is a heritage issue. It's a matter of states' lights. Because it is a proven scientific fact that compact fluorescent bulbs are inferior to incandescents. They are noticeably darker. I'd say about 3/5s as bright.
Now, in strict adherence with the Constitution's Interstate Commerce Clause, these incandescents must stay in South Carolina. By law, they will be clearly branded, "Made in South Carolina". And should any of them escape into neighboring states, they must be returned immediately as specified in the Fugitive Bulb Act. If you Northerners up there want warm natural light, go shop at Yankee Candle, you vanilla-scented devils.
As God is my witness, if the federal government refuses to acknowledge our right to this peculiar institution, we will just sell these light bulbs under the table. After all, South Carolina has proven it knows how to run a black market. We'll be right back.
Stephen also said Obama's recent push for immigration reform is nothing more than a Latino panderfest, and then looked at who would replace bin Laden.
Meanwhile, Jon coined an awesome new term for all the manufactured outrage that spews out from Fox News: Foxygen. He then grandly mocked Newt Gingrich's Twitter announcement of running for President.