This May saw the rebirth of Newt
Who unveiled his White House pursewt
But since he ripped Ryan
(For once he’s not lyin’!)
The Teabaggers gave Newt the bewt.
When Navy Seals took out Bin Laden
How freude was everyone’s schaden
For far humbler feats
I offer these tweets
That battled the rich and uptrodden
Indiana Governor Mitch Daniels ends funding of Planned Parenthood. Thank God SOMEONE is protecting Hoosiers from the menace of pap smears.
Anyone who doesn't think Limbaugh is an asshole is an asshole.
Michelle Bachmann (R-Cloud Cuckoo Land) compares taxes to the Holocaust. One obvious difference: Bachmann gives a shit about taxes.
Teachers Tournament on Jeopardy: "I'll take 'Overworked and Underpaid' for 500, Alex."
Today is Audrey Hepburn's birthday -- if only she had gotten implants and collagen, she could have been a star.
To conservatives, reality is the servant of ideology.
Republicans believe that abortion is a deeply personal matter that should only be decided by the woman and her doctor and John Boehner.
No high profile fundamentalist has yet denounced the movie Thor for promoting paganism, but you know it's only a matter of time.
Racists rage as a black actor plays a Norse god in the movie version of the Marvel comic Thor. Wait till they find out Stan Lee is Jewish.
Republicans think government can’t do ANYTHING right… except capital punishment, when suddenly government is godlike in its infallibility.
The GOP says Happy Mother’s Day -- not with cards and flowers, but with tens of millions in cuts for prenatal and early childhood care
Drop the false modesty, Mr. Allen. A man who feels free to shtup his daughter has no self-esteem issues. http://bit.ly/...
On this Mother's Day, the anti-abortion movement renews its solemn pledge to support mothers everywhere... until they actually give birth.
To the Americans of 1776, patriotism was dying for your country. To the Tea-bigots of 2011, patriotism is whining about your taxes.
Bristol Palin gets her own reality show, as the concept of "reality" finally surrenders to the GOP after years of attack.
The Norse god Thor has a movie! How come they never made one for the god of the GOP?...Oh, wait... http://www.youtube.com/...
Once upon a time, the right-wing alternative to Katherine Graham's Washington Post was the Washington Times. Now it's the Washington Post.
The GOP presidential candidate’s dilemma: first you must convince Republicans you’re crazy, then you must convince everyone else you’re sane
Would the media STOP calling that bat crap crazy CUNY trustee "pro-Israel?" Tony Kushner is pro-Israel. The trustee is merely pro-bat crap.
I guess the Republiclowns whining about the violent imagery in Common's rap lyrics think that Eric Clapton endorses the shooting of sheriffs
Newt Gingrich says he wants to be our president -- but after the inauguration, will he tire of us and run off to rule a sexy Latin country?
Too much of the media treats a flat-out lie like just another opinion, every bit as deserving of respect and publication as the truth.
Newt Gingrich is the man of the hour... specifically, the hour of six to seven o'clock on the morning of January the fifteenth, 1995.
Congratulations to rapper/poet Common for being named The Fox "News" Scary Black Man of the Day.
When a long-standing inequality is ended, the former beneficiaries of that inequality view this not as a wrong righted but as a right denied
Ron Paul says he would have voted against the Civil Rights Act. So under President Paul, racism would be okay as long as it's privatized.
Newt Gingrich says he had to decide between either running for president or being "a fraud" -- so he chose both. http://tinyurl.com/...
Oil companies say opposing their subsidies is un-American. Right -- and if you're mugged, it’s unpatriotic not to hand over your wallet.
A bigot does not become a patriot when he puts on a three-cornered hat – he just becomes a bigot who shouldn't be allowed to dress himself.
Trump and Huckabee bow out of the White House race, apparently realizing that no living Republican can run against a dead Bin Laden.
#newtslogans Semper fidelis!.. well, if you don't count those last two times.
Trump dumped his White House bid. So unless Palin tosses her tinfoil hat into the ring, Bachmann now has the outpatient vote all to herself.
If you fall off a boat, conservatives will urge you to save yourself and pray for you if you drown. Liberals will throw you a rope. #LIBvCON
Former Utah governor Huntsman says something sane, instantly disqualifying himself as a GOP presidential nominee. http://tinyurl.com/...
Liberal: The boat is sinking! Everybody bail it out!
Conservative: The boat is sinking! Everybody but me get off the boat! #LIBvCON
Apparently Republicans don't value ALL families: http://tinyurl.com/...
Strauss-Kahn is having trouble finding a place to stay in New York while he awaits trial
-- and even worse trouble finding a housekeeper.
Tim Pawlenty will kick off his presidential run on Monday, and address the question he's most asked by voters: "I'm sorry, do I know you?"
The Liberal: Whatever is true serves my cause.
The Conservative: Whatever serves my cause is true. #LIBvCON
Say the world is ending and you'll be ridiculed if you're a preacher -- but invited on Meet the Press if you're a GOP presidential candidate
MSNBC hires Michael Steele -- apparently they felt the need to balance Rachel Maddow with someone who DOESN'T know what he's talking about.
To a Republican, the truth is whatever you can sell and the law is whatever you can get away with.
Fox "News" shall henceforth be known on this twitter feed as "The Fox Klux Klan" after this video cross burning: http://tinyurl.com/...
First the Republiclowns claim to be the only real Americans. Now they claim to be the only real Jews http://tinyurl.com/...
Jews seeking advice on how to be better Jews naturally turn to a website run by someone named Tucker Carlson. http://tinyurl.com/...
“Upstate New York is infamous for elected liberal-socialist-communists like Jack Kemp.” #RepublicanExcusesForLosingNY26
Contrary to American political mythology, it’s actually LIBERALS who believe in law and order. Conservatives only believe in order. #LIBvCON
The proof that “water-boarding” is torture – if it wasn’t, Dick Cheney wouldn’t salivate every time it comes up in conversation.
Republicans get all Boehner-weepy over children before they're born and soldiers after they're dead. In between, you're on your own, pal.
And finally, the first tweet of June…
The GOP on immigrants: “They don’t want to work AND they’re stealing all our jobs.”