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This May saw the rebirth of Newt
Who unveiled his White House pursewt
But since he ripped Ryan
(For once he’s not lyin’!)
The Teabaggers gave Newt the bewt.

When Navy Seals took out Bin Laden
How freude was everyone’s schaden
For far humbler feats
I offer these tweets
That battled the rich and uptrodden

-- Impolitics
    http://twitter.com/...


May 1st

Indiana Governor Mitch Daniels ends funding of Planned Parenthood.  Thank God SOMEONE is protecting Hoosiers from the menace of pap smears.

May 2nd

Anyone who doesn't think Limbaugh is an asshole is an asshole.

May 3rd

Michelle Bachmann (R-Cloud Cuckoo Land) compares taxes to the Holocaust. One obvious difference: Bachmann gives a shit about taxes.

Teachers Tournament on Jeopardy: "I'll take 'Overworked and Underpaid' for 500, Alex."

May 4th

Today is Audrey Hepburn's birthday -- if only she had gotten implants and collagen, she could have been a star.

To conservatives, reality is the servant of ideology.

May 5th

Republicans believe that abortion is a deeply personal matter that should only be decided by the woman and her doctor and John Boehner.

May 6th

No high profile fundamentalist has yet denounced the movie Thor for promoting paganism, but you know it's only a matter of time.

Racists rage as a black actor plays a Norse god in the movie version of the Marvel comic Thor. Wait till they find out Stan Lee is Jewish.

May 7th

Republicans think government can’t do ANYTHING right… except capital punishment, when suddenly government is godlike in its infallibility.

May 8th

The GOP says Happy Mother’s Day -- not with cards and flowers, but with tens of millions in cuts for prenatal and early childhood care

Drop the false modesty, Mr. Allen. A man who feels free to shtup his daughter has no self-esteem issues.  http://bit.ly/...

On this Mother's Day, the anti-abortion movement renews its solemn pledge to support mothers everywhere... until they actually give birth.

May 9th

To the Americans of 1776, patriotism was dying for your country. To the Tea-bigots of 2011, patriotism is whining about your taxes.

Bristol Palin gets her own reality show, as the concept of "reality" finally surrenders to the GOP after years of attack.

The Norse god Thor has a movie! How come they never made one for the god of the GOP?...Oh, wait...   http://www.youtube.com/...

May 10th

Once upon a time, the right-wing alternative to Katherine Graham's Washington Post was the Washington Times. Now it's the Washington Post.

The GOP presidential candidate’s dilemma: first you must convince Republicans you’re crazy, then you must convince everyone else you’re sane

Would the media STOP calling that bat crap crazy CUNY trustee "pro-Israel?" Tony Kushner is pro-Israel. The trustee is merely pro-bat crap.

May 11th

I guess the Republiclowns whining about the violent imagery in Common's rap lyrics think that Eric Clapton endorses the shooting of sheriffs

Newt Gingrich says he wants to be our president -- but after the inauguration, will he tire of us and run off to rule a sexy Latin country?

Too much of the media treats a flat-out lie like just another opinion, every bit as deserving of respect and publication as the truth.

Newt Gingrich is the man of the hour... specifically, the hour of six to seven o'clock on the morning of January the fifteenth, 1995.

May 12th

Congratulations to rapper/poet Common for being named The Fox "News" Scary Black Man of the Day.

When a long-standing inequality is ended, the former beneficiaries of that inequality view this not as a wrong righted but as a right denied

May 13th

Ron Paul says he would have voted against the Civil Rights Act. So under President Paul, racism would be okay as long as it's privatized.

Newt Gingrich says he had to decide between either running for president or being "a fraud" -- so he chose both. http://tinyurl.com/...

May 14th

Oil companies say opposing their subsidies is un-American.  Right -- and if you're mugged, it’s unpatriotic not to hand over your wallet.

May 15th

Right-wingers: "Social programs are like slavery... http://tinyurl.com/... ...but slavery wasn't so bad." http://tinyurl.com/...

A bigot does not become a patriot when he puts on a three-cornered hat – he just becomes a bigot who shouldn't be allowed to dress himself.

May 16th

Trump and Huckabee bow out of the White House race, apparently realizing that no living Republican can run against a dead Bin Laden.

May 17th

#newtslogans  Semper fidelis!.. well, if you don't count those last two times.

Trump dumped his White House bid. So unless Palin tosses her tinfoil hat into the ring, Bachmann now has the outpatient vote all to herself.

If you fall off a boat, conservatives will urge you to save yourself and pray for you if you drown. Liberals will throw you a rope. #LIBvCON

May 18th

Former Utah governor Huntsman says something sane, instantly disqualifying himself as a GOP presidential nominee. http://tinyurl.com/...

May 19th

Liberal: The boat is sinking! Everybody bail it out!
Conservative: The boat is sinking! Everybody but me get off the boat! #LIBvCON

May 20th

Apparently Republicans don't value ALL families: http://tinyurl.com/...

Strauss-Kahn is having trouble finding a place to stay in New York while he awaits trial
-- and even worse trouble finding a housekeeper.

Tim Pawlenty will kick off his presidential run on Monday, and address the question he's most asked by voters: "I'm sorry, do I know you?"

May 21th

The Liberal: Whatever is true serves my cause.
The Conservative: Whatever serves my cause is true. #LIBvCON

May 22nd

Say the world is ending and you'll be ridiculed if you're a preacher -- but invited on Meet the Press if you're a GOP presidential candidate

May 23rd

MSNBC hires Michael Steele -- apparently they felt the need to balance Rachel Maddow with someone who DOESN'T know what he's talking about.

May 24th

To a Republican, the truth is whatever you can sell and the law is whatever you can get away with.

May 25th

Fox "News" shall henceforth be known on this twitter feed as "The Fox Klux Klan" after this video cross burning: http://tinyurl.com/...

May 26th

First the Republiclowns claim to be the only real Americans. Now they claim to be the only real Jews http://tinyurl.com/...

Jews seeking advice on how to be better Jews naturally turn to a website run by someone named Tucker Carlson. http://tinyurl.com/...

May 27th

“Upstate New York is infamous for elected liberal-socialist-communists like Jack Kemp.” #RepublicanExcusesForLosingNY26

May 28th

Contrary to American political mythology, it’s actually LIBERALS who believe in law and order. Conservatives only believe in order. #LIBvCON

May 29th

The proof that “water-boarding” is torture – if it wasn’t, Dick Cheney wouldn’t salivate every time it comes up in conversation.

May 30th

Republicans get all Boehner-weepy over children before they're born and soldiers after they're dead. In between, you're on your own, pal.

And finally, the first tweet of June…

The GOP on immigrants: “They don’t want to work AND they’re stealing all our jobs.”

Poll

Representative Ryan refers to his plan to destroy Medicare as "premium support." What would be an even better euphemism?

50%4 votes
0%0 votes
0%0 votes
37%3 votes
12%1 votes

| 8 votes | Vote | Results

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