Let me tell you about a man I once knew.
He was kind. He was generous. He welcomed me into his home and into his family. He shared with me all manner of time, consideration, kindness, good foods, good companionship, safety, and guidance.
How very christian.
He was the epitome of "Minnesota nice", and he and his lovely wife had the accent to go along with. They were very, very conservative christians - of the kind all christians should aspire to be. They were true christians who aspired not to go to war for Jesus, but to live in a way that is Christ-like.
I was so fortunate to have known them for a time.
My introduction into his family was a funny one. His eldest daughter and I, both in our early 20s at the time, had become fast friends. We went EVERYwhere together. Then, we decided, why not live together, too? We became roommates, and this concerned her parents significantly. (My screenname may seem female, but I'm male.)
Being conservative christian folk, they were suspicious of their daughter moving in with a (gasp) man without the benefit of marriage. That I would not be romantically interested in their (beautiful, buxom, blonde) daughter had not occurred to them. So, this gentleman sat me down on the sofa for a talk. "Is this 50-50, or....something else?" he asked. I assured him it was all 50-50. He wasn't convinced.
Eventually, my friend's mom figured it out on her own. Imagine that archetypal Minnesota accent saying, "Soooooooo...is he...kinda like yer best girlfriend?"
"Ya, mom," says my friend.
"Oooooooooooooooh! Sooooo...he likes outdoor plumbing, too."
"Ya, mom," laughs my friend. And that was that.
And from that point forward, no further questions, no other commentary, I was a member of their household the next county over. I was invited to every birthday party, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's Eve, barbecue, what-have-you. I was welcomed not with trepidation, but with joy. I lived far from any relatives, and most of mine paid me very little mind, but I was reassured that there was always a place for me at the table.
How christian.
And not once, never, ever in any of those celebrations did anyone sit me down to tell me they "disapprove of my lifestyle". Or that there was something wrong with me in Jesus's eyes (or their own). Or to try to change me, or even tell me they thought there was an opportunity for me to change.
I was simply accepted and loved precisely as I am. No questions. No quibbling. Welcome: we love you.
How christian.
Let me tell you, living in a conservative state, pounded, hounded, bashed, preached against, legislated against, voted against, and abused at every turn by christians, I was suspicious - and completely shocked at this treatment.
When my friend's younger brother, devout like his father and full of the fervor that a young man brought up in very religious circumstances can sometimes be, wanted to know why gay people are so suspicious of christians, why we avoid the church, he asked his father. His father simply directed him to me to ask, rather than answering the question himself. This man not only welcomed me into his home, he trusted me to talk to his much younger son about the issue - and trusted his own son to listen.
How christian.
The christmas before the whole family left to return to Minnesota, his present to me was a compass. He knew I was still wandering, and along with the compass he presented to me the only Bible verses ever quoted to me in that household. It wasn't about my sexuality in any way; it wasn't about anything remotely related. I don't recall the verse, but it was about love. It was about the love of this man's creator, and about the love of family, and about that love always being with you, no matter what.
How very christian.
Not christian in the sense to which I as a gay person am so accustomed -- vicious, discriminatory, hypocritical, judgmental -- but christian in the sense to which I was once raised to believe it should be. Someone who has flaws, but is trying very hard to live out the best of the teachings of the deity in which he believes.
It reassures me to know that such christians exist. We have lost touch over the years, this wonderful family and I. With the coming vote on an anti-same-sex-marriage constitutional amendment in Minnesota, I think about him and his family, and I wonder how they will vote. I hope they think of me and vote kindly, in a way that is very generous - truly christian.