So it seems that before long, state aid recipients in Florida will have to start drug testing before receiving anything from the state. I remembered hearing that this might be coming, but it hadn't really been on my radar until today when I was perusing the Facebook and, lo and behold, a viral status update started showing up all over my news feed:
Starting this July, Florida will be the first state to require drug testing when applying for welfare!! Some people are crying that this is unconstitutional, yet it is constitutional for the majority of working people to pass a drug test in order to support those on welfare? Let's give welfare back to the ones who need it and not to those who are taking advantage and there to abuse it.
"Wow!" I thought to myself. "This will really show those poor people what for. I mean, how dare they be POOR and expect that all us taxpayers fund their filthy drug and alcohol habits." (After all, according to EVERYONE I talk to, these people ALL have drug and/or alcohol problems, and that's all they use their state aid for, ever, period, end of story.)
"But self," I continued thinking, "aren't there lots of other ways that dirty drug and/or alcohol abusing people are leaching away my hard earned money that I have to pay in taxes?" Well, of course there are! Follow me below the DKos squiggly thingamajig for a couple suggestions I have for Governor Scott, the Florida Legislature, and any other state legislature that wants to follow in their footsteps...
(NOTE: I do not live in Florida. I'm a Michigander. But, it wouldn't surprise me if this hits the agenda of our Super Saver Republican Legislature and Republican Governor before too long.)
Now, as I mentioned, we've got to save some money here, people! I mean, as many as 10% of state aid recipients may be drug users and abusers! So clearly, we need to paint with the broadest brush stroke possible and make sure that ALL welfare recipients are tested, not just those who might be suspected of it. (Ignore the minor detail that the taxpayers end up footing the bill if the test comes back clean...with luck, the fact that the poor [literally] schmucks have to front the cash will just discourage a lot of them from even seeking welfare and they can just move out to the street and not bother us anymore.)
This law has an inspiration, and, as such, has inspired me. There's so much more that we can do to save all of us taxpayers money, whether it be in Florida or any other state that wants to follow Florida's lead. Here are my suggestions:
1. Mandatory drug and alcohol testing for anyone who wants to get and keep a driver’s license. After all, I see “a lot of” people driving badly. And there are “a whole bunch of” driving under the influence, etc., accidents. My hard earned money is paid in taxes to clean up after these messes (police, fire, ambulance, criminal prosecution, and housing prisoners). Therefore, it seems only logical that we presume that everyone is a drug or alcohol user/abuser and should have to pass a drug/alcohol test to get and keep a driver’s license. Same with car registrations.
2. Mandatory drug and alcohol tests for all elected public officials. This one doesn’t really need much explanation. They get paid with public money. There are clearly lots of crazy shenanigans going on (who knows, maybe it’s not just extreme narcissism with a heaping helping of stupidity). So, whenever they file for election/re-election, and at least once a year, let’s make sure they’re not on anything.
3. Mandatory drug and alcohol testing for any land developer, corporate board/CEO, or high-ranking personnel of any other business association that receives government subsidies. (Tax credits count.) I mean, I don't want my tax dollars going to support what I'm sure are their pricey habits!
Now, given that I've been studying all day, my brain is already operating in standby mode and these three gems are the only ones I could come up with. But I think they'll get lots of support among the general public, since so many people (or at least a few of my Facebook friends?) seem to HATE the idea that taxpayer money in any way, shape, or form will benefit drug users.
I'll keep trying to think of more, and if any of you have suggestions, feel free to throw them out in the comments. Just remember, it should be something that will save lots of taxpayer money. Take no account of whether it's constitutional or embarrassing for a large number of people, etc. Just make sure it will save us taxpayers money!*
*Even if it the odds are good it will end up costing more in the end.
(Obligatory End Note: This is snark. If you didn't get that by now, please adjust your snark sensor. I think this law is a ridiculous piece of garbage that takes a small but not insignificant assistance abuse problem and blows it all out of proportion to score political points because "everyone" knows that "all those people" on welfare are using drugs, buying expensive groceries/lotto tickets/cigarettes/whatever.)