Well, lots of people are off to the Twin Cities for Netroots Nation, including BiPM, and Cheers and Jeers is on a one week hiatus. But what about those of us who are "left behind"? Well, let the trials and tribulations begin....
Welcome to the Awards Edition Plus C&J Place-Holder Diary, your one-stop snark-shop for politics and the people who make politics so annoying. This morning: the AEP Editorial from Managing Editor Sirius the Cat (the feline Andy Rooney), News of Dubious Veracity Department, the Here's How NOT To Do It Department, the revisiting of a cartoon by AEP Cartoon Editor ericlewisO and of course, the GDN™ Award.
NOTE: About the GDN Award. Because many of you will be reading this at work, I'm trying not to work too blue here. If you are not familiar with what that is and Awards Edition Plus HERE is a link where you can find out what GDN stands for and the nifty graphic Kossack and fellow Mainer vacationland designed for the series.
Please note: C&J in Exile partner in crime bluejessimine will have tomorrow's installment in the Pink Clubhouse group. Be there, or be....OK. I'll say it: SQUARE.
Now, follow me over the fold for some good old-fashioned fun plus a history of AEP....
A Short History of Awards Edition Plus
Like many a failed enterprise, AEP was a spin-off from Cheers and Jeers. Well, technically, a spin-off of my weekly Wednesday comment post on C&J. Like many TV spin-offs, it enjoyed modest initial success in its 8PM EST/EDT time slot yet eventually died a slow death of sclerosis of the Snarkabellum around mid-season. It was canceled as a weekly series about six weeks ago.
However, like many a canceled series, it does occasionally make a special appearance, kind of like Gilligan's Island used to do. Oh, wait, maybe that's not the best example.
How AEP is Written:
Yep. Longhand. On a steno pad.
Now, I want to say that this AEP "Special Presentation" is entirely voluntary. BiPM neither asked me to do this, nor did he give me his blessing on my Camels. Everyone knows I smoke Marlboros. Some have accused Cheers and Jeers of being dominated by Mainers. I can say, unequivocally, that this is not true. I volunteered to write this diary. And here to give the official denial is....
A Word from J. Edgar Hoover
"There is no Maine monopoly, no Saco syndicate; no Kennebec clan, no Brunswick bruisers. I can say without a doubt, there is no Muscongus Bay mafia, no Augusta association, no Cumberland conglomerate, no Calais cabal (that's pronounced "callus", btw), and no Portland Prendergast machine. Not at all. It doesn't exist. Nothing to see here. Now, back to our regularly scheduled programming...."
No Clyde Tolsons were harmed in the writing of this snark.
Now, without further ado....
Awards Edition Plus Editorial
by Managing Editor Sirius the Cat
You have to hand it to the GOP--there are a whole lot of Republicans who really, really want to lose to President Obama next Fall. Aside from the Chicago Cubs, I have never seen an organization so keen to spend so much money and so much time in a race that they know they will lose besides the GOP.
I mean, look at Gingrich. The guy's staff has run out on him (which is something he certainly can relate to) and yet he really wants to lose, so he schleps up to New Hampshire to stay in the race. He's got to be in some race, I guess, because he left the Human one quite some time ago.
Then we have Rick Santorum. I mean what planet does this guy live on, Uranus? I heard him say the other day that we need to "fix" America. I mean come on, Rick, I thought you were against family planning. Which is it? LOSER.
I could go on and on, because the folks trying to win the prize--losing to Obama--seem to be growing in numbers by the day.
Now here comes Rick Perry of Texas, who seems to be joining the race. This is interesting to me, as a Texas cat, because you have to be a pretty strange dude to want to run a country you recently threatened to secede from. However, the other candidates should beware of Gov. Perry: this guy knows how to stick it to 'em--right in the arm.
So get out your popcorn--I have a bowl of Purina ready--this is going to be a very, very entertaining year.
--Sirius, aka the Feline Andy Rooney.
Awards Edition Plus Cartoon Department
by Cartoon Editor ericlewis0
Here's a cartoon Eric sent me for the series that we pubished a while back. It has quite some relevance to NN taking place in Minneapolis....
News of Dubious Veracity Department
from the Alaska Abnegator:
....asked about the field of GOP candidates during a potty break from her bus tour, former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin replied:
"Oh, boy howdy, when I look out over this beautiful field of candidates of ours, well, donthca know, I can just smell the freedom, hear the bells of liberty ringing out over this great nation of ours, as they fire those warning shots you betcha, telling the British that they are not going to be taking away our taxes..."
A politician's pate indeed...a skull with a tongue in it....
Here's How NOT To Do It Department
Speaking to a group of folks in a Northern Maine community--bereft of both jobs and education--who would like to see a private prison built in their community, a national anti-prison-privatization activist, trying to convince them against it said that among the many draw-backs is the fact that many of the guards hired are "barely out of High School" and characterized them as "McDonald's workers with badges". Now THAT is the way to convince a person who is....out of work, barely out of High School and.....MAYBE can get a job at McDonald's. And they wonder why we get characterized as elitists. (NOTE: Private prisons=slavery).
The GDN™ Awards: The Nominees
From Commonmass:
Paul LePage We must have civics courses to graduate HS here in Maine. Social Studies, as some us grew up with, is a bad name. "Civics". Well, who can argue that an HS graduate shouldn't know how the government works? Sounds great, no? The bill was sponsored by State Rep. Mary Nelson (D-Falmouth). A separate course in how government works. Someone is going to have to approve those textbooks and curriculum. Like the Teabaggers in the Leg and the Governor who will have to approve it. Rick Perry much? Dog help us.
Rep. Weiner. All I have to say about this is that a Schnitzel is a cutlet, breaded and fried in lard, a Wiener is a sausage, and that a Weiner is pronounced like "Wine" is a "WHINER". Can we now finish our distraction and get back to the outrage that is the GOP agenda?
From Our Readers:
From Kossack atdnext :
My former Senator, John Ensign! Why? Where do I start?! The "holy roller" not following his own moral code? The "good Senator" making his parents bribe his mistress and her family? His promise to continue serving... Only to then resign in a plot to keep the seat in GOP hands in 2013? There are just so many reasons!
From Kossack gravlax : Rick Santorum
1. At debate, "pure faith and good reason should lead you to the same place"
2. On MTP(?), doctors who provide abortions should be criminally charged.
3. Making me hear this word!
4. The old favorite, saying that legalized gay marriage will lead to bestiality.
gravlax, Santorum is why I always put down a towel first. I have very expensive bedsheets. Rick can't count that high in Egyptian, and wouldn't know the first thing about picking cotton.--AEP Editorial Staff.
From Kossack JwinIL14: Karl Rove :
2. Even his pals call him turblossom. He's a noxious weedy lurking problem.
3. John W. in IL-14 soon to be Il-17 or 11 or whothefuckknows? sigh.
From Kossack twigg: The House of Representatives:
The United States House of Representatives.
For their abject failure to do anything useful, after campaigning on a manifesto of "Jobs, Jobs, Jobs"
"Mr Boehner, where are the jobs?" We would even settle for e "Jobs Bill", but there hasn't been one.
From your friend and mine, the amazing Kitsap River:
I nominate our state's (Washington's) Republican Attorney General, Rob McKenna.
Why? For dragging our state into the asshat lawsuit filed against the Affordable Care Act to such an extent that our governor came out with a formal statement saying that the state's attorney general did not speak for her (or many other Washingtonians, as she pointed out). If I remember correctly, he was the only AG of a blue state to enter into this lawsuit and now he's running for Governor. In a high-stakes, likely squeaker of an election, the fact that he went off and did this on his own to the disgust of a LOT of people here needs to come out; he is a rogue AG, and this was one of his many ploys to court the teabaggers.
[KR gets props for using the word "asshat". Now THAT is an AEP way to say it!]
Now usually, I would award the GDN™ award, and even send a letter to the winner and publish it, at least in part, here on Awards Edition Plus I mean we make the awards in a small smelting plant just behind the Burnham and Morrill baked bean plant near Portland (ME's) Back Cove, just off Washington Avenue. But today, in the spirit of collegiality, we'll leave it up to you in the poll.
Please be kind to this diary. It was a full-time job for free. Rec this up so people know how to find it, even if you think it's rubbish. Don't forget to PAY BiPM.
Thank you all for joining Awards Edition Plus aka Cheers and Jeers in Exile. Bring me back a t-shirt. Medium. oktahksbai.
THE FLOOR IS OPEN! Not swept, but it is open....
Awards Edition Plus Used To Be:
Sirius the Cat, Managing Editor
commonmass, Executive Editor
weatherdude, Contributing Editor
ericlewis0, Cartoon Editor
P.T. Pilatus, I/P Editor