Greetings from Computer Hell. This is not the diary I started to post at 9:30 Saturday evening. However, after a complete system crash that required a full-blown system Recovery and six (that’s right, six) restart/recovery events, this is the part of that diary I was able to recover. And that would also explain why I am so late tonight. Just be glad you weren’t around to hear what I had to say while I was “in recovery.”
Unless you have been in a cave for the past month, if you live in the United States you are probably aware that tomorrow is Father’s Day. Long the “poor stepchild” to Mother’s Day in terms of commercial appeal, Father’s Day is now getting the advertising blitz formerly reserved for the big shopping holidays like Christmas or Memorial Day. (Was anyone else vaguely discomfited by Party City’s ads for “everything you need for your Memorial Day party”?)
Cynic that I am, I suspect this advertising fervor is a result of the weakness in the retail economy, rather than a sudden realization of the significance of our fathers in our lives. Although here retailers are already gearing up for the next “must do” celebration on July 4, for the next 24 hours at least the center of attention belongs to dear old Dad.
My father has been gone for nearly 20 years and my husband’s for a decade, so Father’s Day can slip by us without much notice. But this year it has become too obvious to ignore, so I’ve been doing a little thinking – and a little research – about why and how we celebrate fathers.
Father’s Day: the History
Father's Day is celebrated on a variety of dates worldwide and typically involves gift-giving, special dinners to fathers, and family-oriented activities. In 65 countries, including the U.S., celebrate Father's Day on the Third Sunday of June.
Who would have believed that the history of Father’s Day would be controversial? Well, if you did, you are correct. Not only was there much controversy about when it was first celebrated, getting it declared an official holiday took more than an act of Congress – it took LBJ to get it done. The kind folks at Wikipedia explain:
The first observance of Father's Day actually took place in Fairmont, West Virginia on July 5, 1908. It was organized by Mrs. Grace Golden Clayton, who wanted to celebrate the lives of the 210 fathers who had been lost in the Monongah Mining disaster several months earlier in Monongah, West Virginia, on December 6, 1907. It's possible that Clayton was influenced by the first celebration of Mother's Day that same year, just a few miles away. Clayton chose the Sunday nearest to the birthday of her recently deceased father.
Unfortunately, the day was overshadowed by other events in the city, West Virginia did not officially register the holiday, and it was not celebrated again.
All the credit for Father's Day went to Sonora Dodd from Spokane, who invented independently her own celebration of Father's Day just two years later, also influenced by Jarvis' Mother's Day.Clayton's celebration was forgotten until 1972, when one of the attendants to the celebration saw Nixon's proclamation of Father's Day, and worked to recover its legacy. The celebration is now held every year in the Central United Methodist Church – the Williams Memorial Methodist Episcopal Church, South, was torn down in 1922. Fairmont is now promoted as the "Home of the First Father's Day Service".
A bill to accord national recognition of the holiday was introduced in Congress in 1913. In 1916, President Woodrow Wilson went to Spokane to speak in a Father's Day celebration and wanted to make it official, but Congress resisted, fearing that it would become commercialized.
With so many people wanting to celebrate Father’s Day (or to claim credit), it would seem like a snap to get it declared a national holiday. Unless, of course, you remember that approval has to go through hundreds of spineless/greedy/venal politicians in Congress. Plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose. President Woodrow Wilson first said in 1916 that Father’s Day should be given the status of a national holiday, but the idea was rebuffed by Congress because many Senators said the holiday might become “too commercial.” So, although President Calvin Coolidge also recommended in 1924 that the day be observed by the nation, he was afraid to issue a national proclamation because two previous attempts to recognize the holiday had been defeated by Congress.
Congress, which was almost entirely male, continued to ignore Father’s Day or reject it outright. In 1957. Maine Senator Margaret Chase Smith wrote a proposal accusing Congress of ignoring fathers for 40 years while honoring mothers, thus "[singling] out just one of our two parents," but she, too, was ignored.
It took a fearless politician with the determination of LBJ to proclaim Father’s Day as a holiday honoring fathers . In 1966, President Lyndon B. Johnson issued a presidential proclamation designating the third Sunday in June as Father's Day. Six years later Congress was finally able to overcome its inertia and pass a bill making Father’s Day a permanent national holiday. It was signed into law by President Richard Nixon in 1972 – 58 years after Woodrow Wilson signed the law designating Mothers Day.
Fathers By the Numbers
Perhaps the ambivalence on Father’s Day by Congressmen during the early 20th Century was a function of the small amount of time fathers spent with their children then. According to University of Maryland Assistant Professor of Education Natasha J. Cabrera, who has spent the last five years studying fathers, "Fathers have never mattered as much as they do this Father's Day. Fathers today are more involved in the daily routine of children's lives than they were 20 or 30 years ago." In fact, according to a study conducted by the Children's Defense Fund, fathers today average less than an hour a day with their children, but that is up considerably from the 20 minutes per day that was the average in the first half of the 20th century.
Of course, these figures are skewed by the fact that 43% of US children live without their father. And if child support payments can serve as a proxy, nearly half of these children have little or no contact with their fathers at all. Perhaps that it one reason less than half as much is spent on Father’s Day gifts as on Mother’s Day every year.
A few more Father’s Day statistics drawn from U.S. Census data:
- Greeting cards are the No. 1 purchase on Father’s Day, and almost 92 percent of the cards are sold to women. Most of the greeting cards purchased are humorous. According to Hallmark, Father’s Day is the fifth-largest card-selling occasion in America.
- There are 70 million fathers in the U.S. in 2010, and 1.8 million are single fathers.
- As of the 2010 census, 15 percent of single parents were men and there were around 154,000 stay-at-home dads caring for 287,000 children.
- Hallmark alone produces over 800 card designs for Father’s Da. Their data indicate of the 110 million cards given this year for Father’s Day. 50% will be given to dads by sons and daughters, 20% by wives, and 30% by relatives and friends to anyone who is a father.
- There were 25.8 million fathers who were part of married-couple families with children in 2009 and a total of 30.2 million fathers living with children younger than 18. Of these fathers, 85% lived with their biological children only, 11% lived with stepchildren, 4% with adopted children and fewer than 1% with foster children.
- 24%: Among the nation's 11.2 million preschoolers whose mothers are employed, 24% are regularly cared for by their father during their mother's working hours. This amounted to 2.7 million children.
The Importance of Being Father
In June 2007,
Time Magazine published an article entitled
Do Fathers Deserve a Father's Day?, which questioned, "whether dads — at least as a group — have done a good enough job to deserve the honor" of Father's Day.” Citing statistics that suggest that the answer may be an unequivocal no, pointing out for example, that, "In the U.S., more than half of divorced fathers lose contact with their kids within a few years."
But a lot of people disagree with that conclusion. Fathers are separated from their children for many reasons, But even when fathers become less involved, it is usually not completely by choice, according to Stephen Baskerville, president of the American Coalition for Fathers of Children. "Research is unequivocal that few fathers abandon their children voluntarily. Most fatherless children result from fathers being forcibly separated from their children by courts."
Whatever the cause, growing up without a father can have serious long-term implications for children. Data cited by Capitol Commentary:
- 90% of homeless and runaway children are from fatherless homes.
- 80% of rapists motivated with displaced anger come from fatherless homes
- 71% of pregnant teenagers lack a father
- 63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes.
- 85% of children who exhibit behavioral disorders come from fatherless homes.
- 71% of high school dropouts come from fatherless homes.
- 75% of adolescent patients in chemical abuse centers come from fatherless homes.
- 85% of youths in prisons grew up in a fatherless home.
- Fatherless boys and girls are: twice as likely to drop out of high school; twice as likely to end up in jail; four times more likely to need help for emotional or behavioral problems.
Fathers, it seems, do have an important role to play in the lives of their children. According to Dr. Carbara:
Our research shows that what fathers do, how they interact with their children and what things (experience, interests, etc.) they bring to the father-child relationship can have positive effects on children's development that are over and above mom's. In other words, fathers uniquely contribute to development. For example, children whose fathers spend time with them and interact with them in positive and responsive ways have better language skills than children growing up without a father. Similar effects have been found for older children.
The barriers faced by low-income dads are many and include, lack of employment opportunities or jobs with sustainable wages, lack of education and steady income. Also, at the personal levels, low-income families experience a lot of distress, mental health, and other issues that can interfere with the daily functioning of the family and lead to partner conflict and consequently negative parenting. I would say conflict in the home is the biggest contributor of negative parenting.
Fathers do many things, which can have a positive effect on children at particular points in the child's development. Having a strong and positive relationship with the children’s mother (even if the romance ends) and a responsive and involved relationship with his child (that includes monitoring, discipline) with his child are probably key ingredients for fathers in having a positive impact in the lives of their children.
Fathers, like mothers, can be good parents (and sometimes not so good parents). Family policy and programs aimed at helping families can't forget that dad is an integral part of the family. For so long, we've focused on helping mom be a better mom and often we've forgotten about dads. If we're truly serious about helping "families" and children have better lives, then we have to focus on all members of the family.
Happy Father’s Day! If you are one of the fortunate children who still have their father around, take the time to honor the role they have played in your lives by letting them know how much they have meant to you. If, like me, your father is no longer living, take some time to remember him and his special contributions to your life. And if you had no father in your life growing up, here are some words of wisdom from Graham Nash:
And you, of tender years,
Can't know the fears that your elders grew by,
And so please help them with your youth,
They seek the truth before they can die.
Teach your parents well,
Their children's hell will slowly go by,
And feed them on your dreams
The one they picked, the one you'll know by.
Don't you ever ask them why, if they told you, you would cry,
So just look at them and sigh and know they love you.
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Tonight’s Top Comments . . .
From Dragon5616:
For a great summation of Clarence Thomas, read davehouck's comment in oxfdblue's recommended diary NY Times Going After Justice Thomas?
In the rescued-to-recommended diary Pardon me, Sir. Your reality check bounced by Citizen Blues, Denver11 explains that there's sacrifice and then there's sacrifice.
From
me
Although not really a comment, this gem from blue aardvark is priceless and sets off a long thread repleate with Schroedinger's cats and pootie pics.