I'm not sure where he got it (he doesn't source it, but makes it clear it isn't original to him), but fitness blogger and gay activist Davey Wavey has an interesting little list of forty things the average heterosexual never has to worry about. Follow me below the squiggle for the list and some more words.
The Heterosexual Privilege Checklist
On a daily basis, a heterosexual person:
- I can be pretty sure that my roomate, hallmates and classmates will be comfortable with my sexual orientation.
- If I pick up a magazine, watch TV, or play music, I can be certain my sexual orientation will be represented.
- When I talk about my heterosexuality (such as in a joke or talking about my relationships), I will not be accused of pushing my sexual orientation onto others.
- I do not have to fear that if my family or friends find out about my sexual orientation there will be economic, emotional, physical or psychological consequences.
- I did not grow up with games that attack my sexual orientation (IE f*g tag or smear the queer).
- I am not accused of being abused, warped or psychologically confused because of my sexual orientation.
- I can go home from most meetings, classes, and conversations without feeling excluded, fearful, attacked, isolated, outnumbered, unheard, held at a distance, stereotyped or feared because of my sexual orientation.
- I am never asked to speak for everyone who is heterosexual.
- I can be sure that my classes will require curricular materials that testify to the existence of people with my sexual orientation. [And that no one will accuse educators, school board members, or government officials of attempting to "promote" that sexual orientation by including those materials. --musing85]
- People don’t ask why [or when] I made my choice of sexual orientation.
- People don’t ask why I made my choice to be public about my sexual orientation.
- I do not have to fear revealing my sexual orientation to friends or family. It’s assumed.
- My sexual orientation was never associated with a closet.
- People of my gender do not try to convince me to change my sexual orientation.
- I don’t have to defend my heterosexuality.
- I can easily find a religious community that will not exclude me for being heterosexual.
- I can count on finding a therapist or doctor willing and able to talk about my sexuality.
- I am guaranteed to find sex education literature for couples with my sexual orientation.
- Because of my sexual orientation, I do not need to worry that people will harass me.
- I have no need to qualify my heterosexual identity.
- My masculinity/femininity is not challenged because of my sexual orientation.
- I am not identified by my sexual orientation.
- I can be sure that if I need legal or medical help my sexual orientation will not work against me.
- If my day, week, or year is going badly, I need not ask of each negative episode or situation whether it has sexual orientation overtones.
- Whether I rent or I go to a theater, Blockbuster, an EFS or TOFS movie, I can be sure I will not have trouble finding my sexual orientation represented.
- I am guaranteed to find people of my sexual orientation represented in my workplace.
- I can walk in public with my significant other and not have people double-take or stare.
- I can choose to not think politically about my sexual orientation.
- I do not have to worry about telling my roommate about my sexuality. It is assumed I am a heterosexual.
- I can remain oblivious of the language and culture of LGBTQ folk without feeling in my culture any penalty for such oblivion.
- I can go for months without being called straight.
- I’m not grouped because of my sexual orientation.
- My individual behavior does not reflect on people who identity as heterosexual.
- In everyday conversation, the language my friends and I use generally assumes my sexual orientation. For example, sex inappropriately referring to only heterosexual sex or family meaning heterosexual relationships with kids.
- People do not assume I am experienced in sex (or that I even have it!) merely because of my sexual orientation.
- I can kiss a person of the opposite gender on the heart or in the cafeteria without being watched and stared at.
- Nobody calls me straight with maliciousness.
- People can use terms that describe my sexual orientation and mean positive things (IE “straight as an arrow”, “standing up straight” or “straightened out” ) instead of demeaning terms (IE “ewww, that’s gay” or being “queer” ) .
- I am not asked to think about why I am straight.
- I can be open about my sexual orientation without worrying about my job.
The list reminds me of the scene between Arnold and his mother at the end of Torch Song Trilogy (the whole clip's worth watching, but the bit I'm referring to starts at 3:29):
Arnold: Try and imagine the world the other way around. Imagine that every book, every magazine, every newspaper, every TV show, every movie was telling you you should be homosexual. You know you're not. You know to you this is normal...
Mom: Stop already, you're talking crazy.
Arnold: You want to know what's crazy? After all these years I'm still sitting here trying to justify my life. This is crazy.
Heterosexuals can walk blithely through the world in their daily lives and, for the most part, they will never be challenged or made to feel in any way wrong or inferior about their sexual orientations. No one will ever question why they are the way they are, or suggest that they should change their orientation. No one will make them feel unwanted, hate them, or try to kill them, just because of their heterosexuality.
Note, please, that I am not trying to say that heteros have no problems and their lives are all beds of roses. That's clearly not the case. The point I'm trying to make is that they're surrounded by heterosexual privilege 24/7/365 and many (if not most) of them never notice that--and tend to resent having it mentioned to them so that they become aware of it.
It's for exactly that reason that marriage equality is important. The repeal of DOMA. The passage of ENDA. The ending of all forms of legal discrimination against LGBTIQ people. So that we, too, can go through our day to day lives without having to think twice about whether it's safe to express affection for a partner, or worry about whether a doctor will allow us to see or to make decisions for a loved one, or whether that loved one will be able to remain legally in this country with us.
Think outside the box, heteros. Please. Boxes are for storing things: not for people.