I've been writing this diary in my head for several days. In light of what happened yesterday in New York it is a great juxtaposition in my mind.
A former co-worker informed me that she is separating from her husband of thirty-plus years because he is gay. They have three grown children. I think she is still processing the information, but I offered my shoulder should she need it.
For background, I'm an almost forty year old gay man in Texas. Not once growing up did it cross my mind to pretend to be somebody other than who I am. I actually outed myself as a high school senior. I refused to compromise who I am in order to make my life easier. But I had the option, however difficult, to make that decision.
I keep thinking about her husband and the times he grew up in; what compromises he made in order to be a professional, to have a family, to have a life of some kind. He's of a different generation, he's in his sixties. I am almost forty and I know there were times I've been forced to either follow my principles or take the path of least resistance. All I'll say is that I have not always been consistent.
It is remarkable to me how far things have come in a short time. I cried when I saw Google's "It Get's Better" ad. Kids coming out still have to go through the crucible of actualizing their sexuality and its impact. It was painful for me to actually acknowledge I was gay when I was twelve. However, that pain can be transformed into inner strength. I did my 8th grade research project on AIDS. That was in 1986. My teacher asked why I would writing about THAT and I said because it was important to get the facts and not the hysteria.
I've gone through my super active activist phases when being gay was front and center and then when I was burnt out and it was just who I was. I'm sorry to say sometimes activism came second to having a good time. I'm only human.
I'm a Gen Xer and I had the option of being Out and Proud. I grew up thanking the people at Stonewall who stood up and said NO MORE! I didn't date a girl to make life easier. I've often wondered about the price the Baby Boomers paid for being Out from the beginning or getting married and pretending to be heterosexual. Either way there was a price paid. Given the news about bullying and young teenage suicides I know there is a price still being paid for being Out or perceived as being gay.
New York legalized same sex marriage yesterday. It was only 2003 that the Supreme Court struck down sodomy laws and that it was no longer illegal to conduct homosexual acts in the privacy of my own home - I live in Texas after all. That change happened in under a decade.
Being gay and how it is perceived has changed so much. I confess I am jealous of the kids today. It looks easier, but then I remember that things haven't changed enough. Kids still fear Coming Out, getting bullied, or losing their families. I do hope however that things have changed enough that people won't make a decision to try to live a life contrary to their nature. The pain my old coworker is feeling is an echo of a that type of decision. I hope we move to the day when being gay is a nonissue. Until then, I will offer a shoulder and an ear to those that need them.
Happy Gay Pride!