Are they gay?
Are they too fat?
Are they just too adorable?
And why is the United Nations Agenda 21 a road map toward world-wide Manatee domination?
This article from the Broward/Palm Beach NewTimes made my furry head spin this afternoon and I just had to share it.
Oh, Lord help us from these evil adorable abominations that will...
Awww, aren't they cute?!
It started innocently enough, as most coups do.
The U.S Fish and Wildlife Service wanted to place restrictions against boating and other things near the city of Crystal River to protect--guess who?
These demon covens of Manatees must be stopped!
They must be using some sort of huggable mind control to destroy the very fabric of our American life, beginning with...boating!?!
"We cannot elevate nature above people," Citrus County Tea Party Patriots leader Edna Mattos told the paper. "That's against the Bible and the Bill of Rights."
Slowly, very slowly, dog paddle away for your very lives! Nature is coming and it's gonna destroy our civil liberties!
So, what does the U.N. have to do with this Manatee conspiracy?
Government controlling our lives, natch. And when I say Government I mean--
"Manatee Controlled Government."
Agenda 21 is a program, adopted by the U.N. in 1992, to encourage countries around the world to promote only development that does not harm nature. Pundit Glenn Beck and other conservatives have attacked it as an attempt to impose world government's rules on every aspect of American lives. The Citrus County tea party group's website says Agenda 21 is "designed to make humans into livestock."
So, for all you eco-conservation-hippies out there, please oh please remember these wise words from Tea Party Patriots leader Edna Mattos:
"If some of these environmental movements had been around in the days of the dinosaurs, we'd be living in Jurassic Park now," Mattos told the paper.
That would make standing in line at Starbucks infinitely more dangerous.
Heaven help us.