From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
Fight 'em!
I can't imagine how many opinion pieces I've read since I started blogging lo those many years ago, when today's third-graders were a mere twinkle in Mommy and Daddy's eye. Thousands. Maybe hundreds of thousands. Or even, I'm guessing, ONE MILLION opinion pieces.
Every now and then I come across one from yesteryear that kicks up a little endorphin rush as it reminds me of how I felt when I first read it. Case in point: Paul Waldman's July, 2006 column from TomPaine.com called, It's The Conservatism, Stupid. We were months away from capturing the House and Senate, Republicans were floundering, and Waldman cut to the chase:
The key challenge facing progressives right now is how---once George W. Bush decamps for Crawford in January of 2009---to maintain the increased energy motivating the political left in recent years. They will be able to do so if they come to understand that George W. Bush is not what they need to fight. What they need to fight is conservatism.
Because…
The story of American history is that of conservative ideas and prejudices falling away as our society grows more progressive and thus more true to our nation's founding ideals. Conservatives supported slavery, conservatives opposed women's suffrage, conservatives supported Jim Crow, conservatives opposed the 40-hour work week and the abolishment of child labor, and conservatives supported McCarthyism. In short, all the major advancements of freedom and justice in our history were pushed by liberals and opposed by conservatives, no matter the party they inhabited at the time.
Conservatism is Bill Bennett lecturing you about self-denial, then rushing off to feed his slot habit at the casino. It's James Dobson telling you that children need regular beatings to stay in line. It's a superannuated nun rapping you on the knuckles so you won't think about your dirty parts. It's Jerry Falwell watching "Teletubbies" frame by frame to see if Tinky Winky is trying to turn him gay. Conservatism is everyone you never wanted to grow up to be.
Two of my favorite paragraphs of all time.
Raise your hand if you think conservatives have made anything better in the five years since Paul wrote that.
No, really. Don’t be shy. Think about it. I've got all day.
Meanwhile, Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Thursday, July 21, 2011
Note: The next New England Kossack meetup is Saturday, July 30 at the Chef's Table in Portsmouth, New Hampshire from 1 to 4. If you'd like to join us, please RSVP to my better half, Michael, at Cuckolds04103 [at] gmail.com. Afterwards, we plan to go to the beach and moon England. Join us!
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til Obama's 50th birthday: 14
Days `til the Olathe Sweet Corn Festival in Colorado: 15
Percent of Americans who said eight months ago that they thought the economy would eventually recover: 68%
Percent who think that now: 57%
(Source: CBS News via The Week)
Ohio Gov. John Kasich's current approval rating: 35%
(Source: Quinnipiac poll)
Percent of Republicans who believe President Obama will be raptured: 19%
(Source: Slate)
Percent chance that anyone will ever get raptured: 0%
(Source: Reality)
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Your Thursday Molly Ivins Moment:
So what we have here is yet another case of ideological decision-making ("all government regulation is bad") being applied despite the most obvious promptings of common sense. Come to think of it, that's exactly the same pattern this administration has followed with war in the Middle East, nuclear showdowns, global warming and Apocalypse Now.
Well, if the administration won't do something, how about Congress? Reps. Barney Frank, Michael Capuano and Paul Kanjorski are co-sponsoring a bill to reverse the court decision---and to gather more information about how hedge funds affect the economy. This would seem a peppy response, except Congress seems quite determined to do nothing at all these days, having already beaten the record of the "do-nothing Congress" of the Truman era. As near as can be figured out, the Republican "game plan" is to do absolutely nothing between now and November.
---July, 2006
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Caution: side effects may include death by cute.
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CHEERS to a fine ride and a good run. Th-th-that's all, folks! With the perfect landing of Atlantis earlier this morning, we officially conclude the Era of the Space Shuttle, an endeavor---that is to say, an enterprise---that was a real challenger of discovery for NASA, a project more difficult to pull off than finding the lost city of Atlantis or an honest Republican in the District of Columbia. Please remove your belongings from the seat pocket in front of you and the overhead storage bins, exercising caution as some items may have shifted during our 30-year journey. If you're connecting with a public-private space exploration program, please have a seat at Gate W8. We'll be boarding just as soon as the crew arrives. And they build the spacecraft. Hope you brought plenty of stuff to read. And a sturdy butt cushion.
CHEERS to the same thing…only completely different. The first-ever Senate hearings on the repeal of the federal Defense of Marriage (i.e. Gays = Ick!) Act were held yesterday by the Senate Judiciary Committee. By now you've probably seen how easy it was for Senator Al Franken to humiliate the opposition by going after their deceptive use of studies to fit their pre-conceived conclusions. (He could've done that all day without breaking a sweat. Fish-barrel-shoot.) And E.J. Graff of the Brandeis Women’s Studies Research Center puts the day in perspective:
[N]o one said anything very different from what was being said 15 years ago, when DOMA was passed. And yet the hearing was completely different from anything imaginable in 1996. […] Back in 1996, no senator was calling the antigay forces on their lies, damn lies, and statistics. No senator approvingly quoted his state's married same-sex couples or invited white-bread suburban lawnmowing gay men and lesbians to tell the heartbreaking disaster stories about being excluded from full marriage recognition. This time, perhaps no Republican senator was yet willing to urge DOMA's repeal, but only Sen. Chuck Grassley (R-Iowa) showed up to speak in support of it.
The moral panic of the late 1980s and early 1990s left behind three major legacies: Bowers v. Hardwick, "Don't Ask, Don't Tell," and DOMA. The first two have fallen. And while states' laws and constitutional amendments have to be repealed as well, the federal DOMA is the most important brick in the wall. Today I could see that wall shaking.
Conservatives---on top of everything else, now we know they're shitty masons, too.
JEERS to the continuing distraction from job creation. It's Day 3 of our daily updates on the debt crisis, and here's the latest. Things have totally changed since yesterday. Yesterday was Wednesday, today is Thursday. Totally different! Other than that, the debt crisis---which need not be a crisis at all---will continue until 11:59 pm on August 1, 2011, when the debt ceiling is raised and Republicans totally forget about it and move on to the next ginned-up fake crisis. Meanwhile, as we wait for the inevitable resolution, here's something fun you can do to pass the time: take a piece of paper, draw 100 random dots on it, number the dots, and then connect them. Good for you, li'l nipper! You made a picture! Now bolt it to the fridge and help yourself to a juice box, champ.
JEERS to today's shouldn't-be-necessary boring correction. Congressman Allen West (R-FL) sent a nastygram to Rep. Debbie Wasserman Schultz (R-FL) after she hurt his fee-fees:
You are the most vile, unprofessional, and despicable member of the US House of Representatives. … You have proven repeatedly that you are not a Lady, therefore, shall not be afforded due respect from me!
He added: "Ahm so upset I'm gonna have to take mah leave now and set for a spell under the sycamore over yonder with a tall, sweaty glass 'o lemonade!" For the record, Debbie Wasserman Schultz is indeed a lady (hint: boobs), and the most vile, unprofessional, and despicable member of the US House of Representatives is actually Louis Gohmert of Texas, who came in at #1 on People magazine's "50 Most Vile, Unprofessional, and Despicable Members of the US House of Representatives Alive" issue. When we brought this to Rep. West's attention, he agreed to reconsider the accuracy of his statements. Just as soon as he heaves Wasserman Schultz into a pond to see whether she sinks or floats.
CHEERS to comeuppance. 37 years ago today, on July 21, 1974, the House Judiciary Committee approved two articles of impeachment against Richard "Okay, I Guess I Am A Crook After All" Nixon. That same day, he was giving a speech at a private home in Bel Air, California. Let's see... He talked about the host's fine tent. He talked about the struggle between Greece and Turkey. He talked about his trip to Egypt. He talked about some old administration officials. And then he toasted his audience with a fine whine:
"You wonder sometimes, and I am often asked, you know, how do you really take the burden of the Presidency, particularly when at times it seems to be under very, very grievous assault. Let me say, it isn't new for it to be under assault, because since the time we came into office for 5 years, we have had problems. There have been people marching around the White House when we were trying to bring the war to an end, and we have withstood that, and we will withstand the problems of the future."
He forgot to add four crucial words: "...for 19 more days." Silly goose.
CHEERS to havin' a healthy (enough) headbone. Wow---I've never seen the words "Michele Bachmann" and "clean bill" in the same vicinity before, but I guess there's a first time for everything. Responding to a smear job by The Daily Caller, she got a note from "The Attending Physician" of the House, saying that her migraine headaches won’t stop her from governing because they're so sporadic. They only strike when she thinks.
JEERS to libido-busters. On this date in 1985, three of Playgirl's "10 Sexiest Men" were John Candy, Mario Cuomo and GOP Rep. Jack Kemp. A carbon monoxide poison-control team was immediately dispatched to the magazine's headquarters.
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Five years ago in C&J: July 21, 2006
JEERS to the reality of the Bush economy. Conservatives love to trumpet how the economy is firing on all cylinders, right? But a new report from---whoops!---the Bush Labor Department says that Americans aren't sharing in the riches:
The average worker hasn't seen a meaningful pay increase in three years despite the economy's rebound, according to U.S. Labor Department data. [...]
Declines in real pay have moderated in recent months as the job market has tightened. But the average worker's hourly pay in May was $16.62, down 1.7 percent from the inflation-adjusted rate of $16.90 per hour in June 2003, according to the bureau's data.
America's corporate CEOs issued a brief statement: "Shhhh! We're putting."
JEERS to The Very Bad Decider. President Bush has always said he has nothing to hide and that he "welcomes" "the discussion" about his warrantless domestic surveillance program. So it's curious that yesterday Attorney General Alberto Gonzales admitted that Bush personally slammed the brakes on an internal investigation of the program. Reason: he's at war. Apparently with us.
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And just one more…
JEERS to getting picked over. Yesterday we were whisked by the world's most dilapidated taxi to our dentist in...I think Syria. The hygienist (Ilsa: She-wolf of the SS) stuck a sharp metal paring knife into my gums until they bled. Then she took pictures of my bleeding gums and displayed them on an IMAX screen that made me nauseous. The dentist came in and was told: "Look! His gums are bleeding!" Well, thank you Florence Nightingale! Fortunately, they had a flat-screen TV on the ceiling so I was able to turn on Fox News, which made me pass out entirely. Let's do it again in six months!
Have a tolerable Thursday. If you're tryin' like most people to beat the heat, pootie says he may be able to squeeze you in next to the Blatz. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
Cheers and Jeers best captures the Norman Rockwell glow of a summer lake town, with clean beaches, quirky annual traditions, and a packed social calendar.
---BudgetTravel
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