I admit it -- sometimes I honestly can't help myself. There's an opponent here who slams something I write -- I slam back and wait, with bated breath for the next reply so I can slam again. I've now found that exercise quite tedious, unhelpful and derails another's diary (unless it is a troll or two sentence diary and then I don't care).
Yesterday I wrote a very insensitive comment about Amy Winehouse which was in a diary about the Norwegian massacre. I belittled her death in light of the brutal murders of over 84 children and at least 7 in the bombings. Thankfully, for me, my comment was in response to MBNYC who is a thoughtful member of this community.
He took me to task without calling me an asshole or worse. I responded that I disagreed but respected him -- within 4 comments, we were done. I was wrong. He was right. No rancor.
I have a fatal flaw -- it involves a more than occasional ability to get in the lethal and or hilariously lethal reply. That is fine for trolls and abhorrent comments. It is not fine for strong disagreement. There's a point where one must stop -- not by saying: "I'm done with you, goodnight" which still suggests I'm superior. It is by not responding -- actually not even reading a reply which I know will extend an ugly argument.
Not engaging after one or two comments by a baiter is something to which I aspire. Granted, the rules are not the same if someone is being an asshole to a respected member of the community who has done nothing to provoke assoholic comments. I'm only speaking for my own obvious flaws in having participated in flame wars -- but this diary isn't about flame wars -- it is about restraint. Restraint is a quality needed for both coherence in thought and activism on all levels.
I'm not asking anyone else to buy into this enlightenment I've come to -- it isn't the least bit superior to anyone else's means of communication. That being said, allow me to provide one example from which I've learned. Armando.
He left before I arrived here. I read about him on this site and then had to seek him out to find out for myself whether or not he was an asshole which some alleged. I read many of his diaries elsewhere and thought -- what an asshole! Then he came back here recently and I read again.
We do not agree on many political assumptions. What I appreciate is that he provides a place in which I can disagree without concern for personal attack. That's how I learn -- from those who write well and have thick skins. In the end, I still might not agree, but I'm left with respect for another opinion.
Ok, it is hot, I was provoked to write this diary because of an attack on blue jersey mom and seeing a reply to one of my comments elsewhere which I knew would cause me to be untoward -- so I didn't read it.
Cheers to those who are able to discuss without acrimony. Prayers for me who hasn't cured myself completely.