Here at Top Comments we round up some of the site's best, funniest, most mojo'd and most informative commentary. We depend on your help with talent spotting. If you see a comment by another Kossack that deserves wider recognition, please send it to topcomments at gmail by 9:30pm Eastern. Please please please include a few words about why you sent it in as well as your user name (even if you think we know it already :-)), so we can credit you with the find!
I'm trying to make a good impression with my inaugural Top Comments diary by approaching it like I would a first date in hopes you'll want to go out hang out with me again. Since it's been 21 years since my last first date I thought I'd bone up on some tips:
First Date Do's and Don'ts
DO: Be yourself. Let me amend that to be your best self. This is not the time to admit to all the vulnerabilities and insecurities that regularly beset you... Trot out the tried-and-true tales that showcase your sweet and sparkling personality.
I suppose that means I shouldn't tell you about that freakish first (and only) date I had with the podophiliac, so instead I'll tell you about my first real date (meaning, not with another high schooler at a bowling alley) when I was 17, with an actual Older Professional Career Man who took me to dinner at an upscale southern California restaurant. I tried not to goggle at the 70's décor of diagonal redwood cedar paneling, octagon shaped windows, giant ferns in macrame slings swaying precariously overhead and mysterious menu items like Surf and Turf and Butterflied Shrimp Scampi.
More on my attempt to look like a grown-up on my first date after the squiggle:
I was definitely my clueless teenaged self but determined to make a good impression, which proved tricky as I'd never actually been in a restaurant other than Del Taco. I'd just follow my date's lead and order whatever he was having.
“So-- what will the lady have?”
So much for that plan. After staring at the baffling menu I chose something simple and adult-sounding: “I'll have a steak.”
“Very good,” said the smooth waiter. He approved-- I was off to a good start! But then he wanted to know, “How would you like it cooked?”
Cooked? There were ways of cooking a steak other than frying it? What else could a cook do to a steak-- boil it? I stared into his eyes for a clue.
“Rare, medium-rare, or well-done,” he prompted.
Oh. “Medium,” I said, having no idea which I preferred, every home-cooked piece of meat I'd ever eaten falling into the cooked-to-shoe-leather end of the spectrum.
“Soup or salad?” he asked.
What would make me look more worldly and sophisticated? I was inherently clumsy and soup could be spilled or slurped. “Salad,” I said decisively. See-- I can do this! But his pencil was still poised over his pad.
“What kind of dressing would you like?”
Another conundrum. Salad at home comprised of a chunk of iceberg lettuce covered with a glop of mixed mayonnaise and ketchup, but I didn't know what to call this. I stared into his eyes again, willing him to walk me through this.
“French, Bleu Cheese, Italian, or vinaigrette,” he prompted. No American dressing on hand, apparently.
I wanted to ask what was in each of those but had the sense that not only should I know this but that process this was already taking too long. I liked cheese so I said, “I'll try the blue one.” He looked at me oddly but wrote it on his pad.
But we weren't done. Yet.
“Baked potato or French Rice?”
This was the most intriguing and exotic choice yet. “Oooooh, French rice!” I said happily, my worldly veneer gone. “What's that?”
“French fries,” my date hissed at me across the table. “French fries.”
“Oh.” I took a breath. French fries were for kids. “Baked potato,” I said, thinking that would finally be the end of it. I'd gone deep into my famous redhead's blush now.
The waiter smiled (not unkindly) and dropped the final blow: “With all the fixings?” he suggested, vigorously nodding his head up and down. I nodded my head up and down along with him-- “Of course!” and he finally, mercifully turned to my date, who rattled off his order with all the worldly assurance I was so sorely lacking.
Here's hoping this first date goes better than that one!
And now, on to today's Top Comments:
From Julie Gulden:
JanF talks about getting you comments for your Top Comments debut.
From Steven D:
Recommending this comment by Suburbangrrrl, from my diary Update: “Social Security is not an entitlement; it is a promise ..." Youngstown, OH Townhall.
From Ed Tracey:
In today's front-page story about the allegations of sexual assault against congressman David Wu (D-OR) ... make that the embattled congressman (a word you don't want to see in conjunction with your name) .... bdunn advises worriers that Wu has not been a particularly helpful Democrat and that should he resign: there are two other candidates who would be better choices in a special election, anyway.
From belinda ridgewood:
In Joan McCarter's diary about the sudden circumspection of right-wing bloggers, slippytoad spontaneously composes a little ditty.
From carolita:
When RightLeaningMod asks a serious question, TheLizardKing can't resist going for the snark, which prompts Robobagpiper's excellent solution in bink's succinct diary.
From trashablanca:
LokiMom lost her sweet LokiDog yesterday. The diary was full of love and sympathy, but a few comments stood out through the tears:
This one by 57andFemale is about the last act of love one gives their beloved companion.
Here's one by dangoch when you come home and your pal is not there to greet you anymore.
Therapy describes the life of a dog, a comment full of wisdom.
laughingriver has a good strategy to keep dog lovers' lives full of love, even when it hurts.
I guess my tear ducts needed flushing out today, because that's what this diary did. Most every comment (with three pathetic exceptions) was full of love and care, which is what Kossacks do best for each other.
From commonmass:
In HappyinMS's diary about Mitt Romney, there are two real jewels:
Explorer8939 waxes historical on Mittens' provenance, then in the next thread, lgmcp and others get busy with the idea.
Mittens, you have some 'splainin' to do!
From pixxer:
In jethrock's short but important diary today (high value-per-word rating :) regarding how a black valedictorian was robbed of solo status b/c it would be "a big mess" in the majority white school, janmtairy made an important observation.
And from Yours Truly, smileycreek:
In Jed Lewison's Boehner Claims His Plan for a Short-Term Extension is Bipartisan diary, Gangster Octopus offers his interpretation of what "bipartisan" means, and Loge also offers his.
Many thanks to brillig for all her help with this debut!