I, Liberal Panzer, being a citizen of the United States and, thus, a unique component of that silly little clause in the Declaration/Constitution/ Magna-whatever thing using the words "We the People," do hereby and forthwith downgrade the full faith and credit of the United States to...
Drumroll, if you please...
Somewhere roughly three-and-one-half miles to the left of Zero on a number line that's been printed in the hideously-unreadable 8-point tan-colored font that was once so prevalent in college history textbooks.
Oh, and by the way: I'm downgrading the entire global stockpile of platinum to a value approximate to the retail cost of a stale peanut butter sandwich which, unless you're the crazy guy behind the curtain on "Antiques Roadshow" who dreams up the idea that a rusty hubcap is somehow worth more than your average three-bedroom bicentennial timber-frame bungalow in pristine condition, isn't worth the time you just spent reading this atrocious bit of snark.