BERKELEY, CA (KNN) -- A panel of negotiators who have been working overnight have just released word that the various pro-Obama, Obama-critic, in-between, and both-house-poxer factions on the political website Daily Kos have reached a one-day cease-fire to allow all factions to concentrate on one common goal on Tuesday, August 9: getting out the vote in Wisconsin!
What is being variously called the "GOTV Cease Fire" or "Badger Day" will begin at 7:00 a.m. Eastern Time and is not expected to last much past 9 p.m. ET, at which time the polls in six Wisconsin State Senate districts will close. Negotiators say that that should be enough time to allow everyone to make "truly fracking enormous numbers" of GOTV calls through either the computerized PCCC/DFA or the "not computerized but choose any race" Democratic Party of Wisconsin links.
Wisconsinites were already expected to be absent from the site anyway during the day, because they have real things to do, like door-to-door canvassing.
Negotiators released news of the truce at the all-night diner where they were hashing out the agreement, and were interviewed by a Kos News Network reported who just happened to be there because they had the munchies and were all out of ice cream.
"We disagree on many aspects of the President's policies," stated an Obama Critic, "but we all agree that we have to win in Wisconsin, regardless of the President's -- uh, 'we must win in Wisconsin,' period."
"We're happy to be co-operating with our opponents on the website for this worthy cause, and we promise not to think more of them for their cooperation," explained a negotiator on the Obama Defender team. "Today, we're all good Democrats. Tomorrow is another day."
The factions were apparently brought together by a "non-aligned movement" composed of site's paid cartoonists, who threatened to walk if the parties could not reach an agreement. "That was something serious," said a "Pox On Both" advocate. "I mean, people will fight to the death over almost anything, but you threaten to take away our cartoons and it's like, 'Whoa! We'll talk, OK!' I don't know if they were serious, but I didn't want to find out"
A representative of the site's small "In-Between" faction was apparently the surprise hold-out towards the end of the negotiations, concerned that a cease-fire on the site would undermine her faction's identity. She became convinced, however, by assurances that the cease-fire would last for less than a full day and that those so disposed would be welcome to discipline those who will inevitably not have heard about the cease-fire and would say something inflammatory. "It's our role here," she said, "and even just a little yelling at people who don't cooperate will keep us satisfied for 16 hours."
The cease-fire will forestall what was expected to be a temporary downgrade of Daily Kos's "useful activism rating" from "Pretty High, All Things Considered" to "Facepalm."
A summary of terms of the agreement have been announced as follows:
Daily Kos participants (variously known as "Kossacks," "Kogs," "Kosters," and "the Kossarian Moulitsinati") will abstain from arguing about Obama and Democrats and who's right and who's wrong for the fourteen hour period specified above.
It is acceptable to respond to vexatious replies from others with whom one has been arguing with statements along the lines of "Can we bring this up again after 9 p.m.? I'm trying to win some important State Senate races in Wisconsin -- and you might want to do the same.
Inflammatory diaries (except ones that deal with actual flames, as in London, which warrant respect and concern) will be ignored under the terms of the truce, met with the likes of "that's nice, but we have to make calls to Wisconsin today, OK? Do you know how 'unpublish' works?"
Diaries on events in Wisconsin themselves will be welcomed and met with lots of "hootin' and hollerin'."
The agreement does allow for one positive form of competition between factions. It will be considered acceptable for anyone to state their affiliation in comments to diaries such as this one along with one's intention to make a certain number of hours worth of calls." One may say, for example, "I'm strongly an Obama Defender and I'm making six hours worth of calls to Wisconsin today" or "I'm a moderate Obama critic and I'm making eight hours worth of calls to Wisconsin today."
Factions will be allowed to bid up the numbers of calls they pledge to make and to cheer announcements that part or all of such pledges have been achieved by their faction members. Cheering for successes by members of other factions is considered to be sporting, but negotiators agreed that this was not strictly required. "None of us are haters, but if we were we would probably hate each other," a Defender explained. "Except tomorrow," a Critic added. "We'll just store our bitter and angry feelings away and be consoled during the cease-fire by the fact that we'll be slamming those Kochs in a door."
"It's pronounced 'Cokes,'" explained an In-Between negotiator.
"You're all screwed up," explained a Poxer, "but until the polls close I welcome you as my allies."
The negotiators then engaged in a group hug, and I'll tell you, at the sight of it it was hard for this correspondent to keep down his hot-fudge brownie sundae. It was unnatural -- but it just might work.
9:05 AM PT: And here's a good photo diary for the day. (h/t to itskevin)