It's a genuine challenge to find a way to write about aging that doesn't make people turn away in droves, for many reasons.
Admittedly, the last chapter of the book of life has many challenges, discomforts, losses, and limitations. Add to this the fact that this culture worships staying young and fit and beautiful from cradle to grave, and seems to regard getting old as some sort of horrible disease process, not a natural part of the life cycle. In fact this society dreads aging so much we've set up a system of segregated senior housing for our elders, and hardly have to ever lay eyes on those old deteriorating bodies at all!!
But today I don't want to write about any of the "downsides" to getting old. Today I want to talk about some of the upsides of getting old.
First, let it be known that one can't fully appreciate the upside without first going through the process of adjusting to all the changes to some degree. For most of us, this involves going through the various stages of loss, over and over, till we come to a degree of acceptance of our new realities in the here and now. And that it isn't ever going to be the way it once was again.
Then you began to realize that accompanying all that loss of former roles and activities and that strong fit body that once served so well, also comes something ever so precious: freedom. A new kind of freedom that is only ours when the hardest part of the job is done. When we get to lay down the load of obligations others,to employers, to society, to the world that we've carried for so long.
It slowly occurs that it's all right to say "Thanks, but I'd rather not.", when asked to do things one really doesn't want to do, without any guilt at all. Been there. Did that for years. It's ok to stop now, and do other things that interest me.
One morning you wake up and realize that there is nothing scheduled on that daily planner you've hauled around for years, and it's like Christmas! This whole day is MINE!! I get to do whatever I want with it, or I can do nothing at all, and wow...is that great or what?! As a single parent and a nurse for 50 years, I cherish that freedom now, more than I can say.
If one is a social being, well, have at it! There's a million social outlets to tap into if that's ones preference, and now you've got the time to enjoy them. If you're a loner like me, you get to choose as much solitude as desired, and only occasional social connections. But now..the key is, it is all you OWN CHOICE , no one elses. Imagine that: the freedom, at long last, to choose based mostly on one's OWN desires and motivations. That, my friends, is FREEDOM.
But I think the biggest upside of it all, are the internal changes that happen, if we are of a mind to discover them, embrace them, and enjoy them to the fullest. It's like we spend the first two thirds of life with our life energies focused outward: on others, on jobs and careers, on family and kids, on gaining and keeping a foothold in the external world. It is a complex and sometimes painful journey, to see most of that slowly wind itself down, disconcerting at the least, to wonder "What now?!", when somehow, that endless future full of years yet to go has pretty much disappeared!
With less "to do" and more time to just "be", there are amazing discoveries to be made as one undertakes this more inward focused journey. All of the part of oneself we had to shelve along the way, in order to tend to life's other tasks, begin to show up, and surprise you.
One example for me was discovering that after a whole lifetime of nose to the grindstone work as an RN, and care giving others, there was this whole other me in there I'd never even met, that wanted to write music and plays and direct amateur stage performances for actors with disabilities. That led to three whole years of cavorting on stage with folks across two states for three years and having the best time of my life. But who knew? Who knew all of that was stuffed away in some forgotten corner inside?
The other life long love of mine has always been writing, but there was so very little time and energy left during all those hard working years. I used to dream of being able to somehow find a way to support myself so I can do nothing BUT write.
Well, here I sit right in the midst of that dream come true. I have a small but adequate income from SS, a nice safe (subsidized) place to live, a wonderful office space, a computer, and there is nothing left I "have to do" but write all damned day if I want to. Who knew that early disability (due to work related injury,) plus now, old age, would be the path that led me straight to my dreams?
Another huge thing has changed. Perspectives change SO much. I think back to all of the things "I though I knew for sure," about so many things, I now see through new wide angles lens I never had before. It's like the elephant thing they use to show how when close to an elephant, if you've never seen one before, all you might see is one leg, so you think that's the whole elephant. Now it's like I'm far enough away to see the whole animal, wow!
Another upside is finally being able to stop sweating the small stuff. Things that used to drive me mad now only get a "meh" out of me. Things that use to send me leaping into the saddle of my big white horse, gabbing my trusty spear and heading into battle have become more like a spectator sport, because now I've got a lot better idea of "how things happen" and how the pieces all eventually fit together. Besides, as an aging warrior, it was time for me to accept that my new role now is to mentor and support those who are fit and ready for front line service.
One more upside before I end this. Aging has brought me a gift I could never claim enough of before: the ability to feel genuine, straight from the heart compassion. For others, for myself, for all of us, as we struggle to find our way in this world. We try so hard. We do the best we can with what we know each step along the way. When we learn more, we can choose to do better. Every day is a new beginning and a chance to choose again and again and again.
I think I could write forever about the upsides of getting old, yep, even as I struggle with the difficult aspects of living in a naturally deteriorating physical body. I am learning how to live with the body I have now, and am consciously aware of it's many years of faithful service, even as I didn't treat it well at all, and overworked it mercilessly. She can rest now..because I don't need her physical strength and fitness as I continue on this fascinating inward journey.
But that's enough for now. Oh, except one more thing that I just love about being old.
You just don't give much of a crap anymore WHAT people think about you! It will be cool if people like this piece and want to comment, but if it just scrolls off the lists in ten minutes, that's fine with me too: my fun came in the writing of it.
Have a great day everyone, and don't believe all the negative propaganda about how terrible it is to get old, ok? They just want to sell more anti aging snake oil.