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The first thing they teach you at Political Candidacy U – I mean the very first thing – is don’t eat a corndog at a political event.  The reason is painfully obvious.  Just google image “Bachmann Corndog” and experience for yourself a sausage-fellatio apocalypse unparalleled in political history.   You can enjoy a hotdog; it has a bun.  You can devour a bratwurst by judiciously cutting it with a knife.  But a political candidate who puts a corndog in his mouth within a thousand feet of a camera has a career death wish that exceeds Charlie Bronson auditioning for the starring role in Deep Throat.

Bachmann’s corndog problem is now deliciously legendary.  It may not attain the level of Rick Santorum’s infamous “Google Problem” (thank you Dan Savage for letting Santorum be santorum) but Santorum, like a hydrogen atom in a room full of helium, is too lightweight even for Tea Partiers, and LNM still insists Bachmann will get the GOP nod.  Ever the overachiever in things wacky, however, Bachmann doubled down (oh, look that up in the urban dictionary for some apropos double entendre) on her Iowa sausage humiliation by publicly feeding a corndog to her agonizingly latent husband, Marcus Bachmann, the religious zealot whose “reparative” ministry involves trying to cure gay people of their sexual orientation, which according to Marcus, somehow involves the need to discipline them.  No surprise there.

If the Tea Party’s lack of a sexual innuendo detection gene weren’t bad enough, what with their culturally tone deaf self-identification as “tea baggers,” and now Bachmann’s corndog problem, Rick Perry, Bachmann’s only real rival for the hearts and empty minds of the Tea Baggers, er, Tea Partiers, also must have skipped classes at PCU (true to his failing grades at Texas A&M).  Apparently unable to resist, Perry also thrust a corndog between his distended lips in front of gleeful and thankful paparazzi.  

Graphic hijinx followed.  It wasn’t long before Photoshop ineluctably brought the two corndoggers together, Bachmann-Perry, over a double corndog, much as the GOP nomination will – LNM predicts a Bachmann-Perry ticket.   And God knows that this photoshopped corndogging will take on new significance when they appear together on stage at the Republican Convention.

Frankly, LNM doesn’t mind if Tea Party candidates, and spouses, stuff sausages on sticks into their fat faces, while dangling tea bags for effect and lovingly describing how they need to discipline gay people ― all blissfully unaware of the divine comedy of it all.   Indeed, we encourage it.   But it is symptomatic of the utter cultural illiteracy of the Tea Partiers that they simply don’t see how foolish they look.   We all know the Tea Party candidates are subliterate.   For proof of that you just have to listen to Bachmann or Palin expound upon American history (by the way Perry got a “C” in US History at Texas A&M, which was better than his “D” in Econ 101).  But this additional cultural illiteracy is just downright disturbing.   Any political group that has to be told about the implications of calling themselves “tea baggers” or talking about disciplining gays or wrapping lips around long cylindrical processed meat products is a danger to themselves and others.  Such people can be persuaded to believe almost anything, from tax cuts for the wealthy to witchcraft.  

Wait a minute – I feel a Christine O’Donnell song coming on:

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Comment Preferences

  •  Tip Jar (4+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    Orinoco, cocinero, alizard, stlsophos

    An imbalance between the rich and poor is the oldest and most fatal ailment of all republics - Plutarch

    by Leftwing Noise Machine on Fri Sep 02, 2011 at 04:33:49 PM PDT

  •  If you're running for something and they give you (2+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    Leftwing Noise Machine, Orinoco

    a corn dog, discreetly take a bite out of the side, almost corn on the cob like

    "Nothing in all the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity." --M. L. King "You can't fix stupid" --Ron White

    by zenbassoon on Fri Sep 02, 2011 at 04:36:19 PM PDT

    •  Perry and Bachmann failed your class! They (1+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:

      stuffed it right into their big fat faces

      An imbalance between the rich and poor is the oldest and most fatal ailment of all republics - Plutarch

      by Leftwing Noise Machine on Fri Sep 02, 2011 at 04:38:43 PM PDT

      [ Parent ]

      •  Things you never eat on the trail: (1+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:

        Chicago pizza--the good stuff is always messy.

        Corn dogs--obvious fellatio joke waiting to happen

        Italian beef--too wet and messy (Don't believe me?  Google Johnnie's or Portillo's)

        Philly Cheesesteak--Wiz.  Nuff said.

        Carl's Jr--Their advertisements brag about the messiness

        Pasta--There's a reason you don't go to an Italian restaurant on the first date, as well as not wearing white.

        Ice cream--Especially when it's real hot out.

        "Nothing in all the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity." --M. L. King "You can't fix stupid" --Ron White

        by zenbassoon on Fri Sep 02, 2011 at 04:44:22 PM PDT

        [ Parent ]

  •  It she had really run that ad.. (2+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    Leftwing Noise Machine, alizard

    It would have been better then anything she put on the air.

    Love the Gregory Brothers.

    Ghandi's Seven Sins: Wealth without work; Pleasure without conscience; Knowledge without character; Commerce without morality; Science without humility; Worship without sacrifice; Politics without principle

    by Chris Reeves on Fri Sep 02, 2011 at 04:53:15 PM PDT

  •  while this isn't going to help (0+ / 0-)

    them politically, it might help either at a personal level.

    As in helping them get picked up in bars by virtue of the images suggesting that both Perry and Bachmann have . . . unsuspected personal talents which people might find . . . useful.

    Thanks for the laugh, after today's news, I really needed one.

    Peak Oil is NOW! Looking for intelligent energy policy alternatives? Try here.

    by alizard on Sat Sep 03, 2011 at 04:15:13 AM PDT

  •  I'm still not convinced... (0+ / 0-)

    ...that the people they're trying to get to vote for them care one bit about stuff like this.  People are struggling out there and they're not paying much attention to dirty jokes coming from the peanut gallery.  
    The only folks who do care about this have already made up their minds who they're voting for.

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