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Yup, that's right!  I'm thinking about running for president!  

Now, what could a 34 year old man be talking about, he can't be president!  Well, I'm here to tell you I turn 35 in 12 days, and I know I can win this.  

First off, I'm a TRUE Maverick!  I have ZERO connection to the Washington Machine, having never served in office.  Even once.  NOPE.

I did however, serve my country for 4 years, including a tour in Iraq with the 3d Armored Calvary Division.  

(More Qualifications on the flip)

I'm a single father with 2 kids, juggling child care, school and a below minor league internet show!  I have experience in 4 hours of sleep a night, and NEVER taking a vacation!  That's right, when other Presidents might go to Martha's Vineyard, I'll still be at the White House, working.

I will not make any pledges, and will never give my word if I don't know for certain I will back it up.  

Now, as far as foreign policy, I plan to end the wars the instant I get into office.  That's right! Instantly!  War's over, we declare victory and get out.  It'll be a bit expensive to get the boys home, I know, but it's cheaper than continuing the war.

Domestically, I have several things in mind.  First off, since I am used to living in poor circumstances, I will donate 75% of my salary as president to the national debt.  I mean, I get the white house, and right THERE is my major expense.  I mean, apart from buying food for the kids, I really won't need much, so I already have made 300,000 dollars for the US on my FIRST day in office.  Since transportation for the President is also covered, hell with it man, I have almost zero expenses.  With that 100,000 a year I can still look great for the cameras, don't worry about that one!

Now as far as taxing the rich and corporations go, I plan to tax the living hell out of them.   Seriously.  They will hate me, and they will TRULY not support me, so that's why I need your help folks!  None of this Faux-populism.

Let's see, as far as most policies go, I'm for gay rights, legalizing drugs and retroactively pardoning all drug offenses that don't have additional crimes attached, and heavy tariffs on non-US produced goods.  Yup, that's right.  Protectionist and Libertarian at the same time!  Your heads may explode NOW mass media!

Oh, and I will only appoint total liberals to the supreme court.  And if they're blocked by congress I will appeal to the American people.  Daily, until my hand-picked candidates are selected.  I plan to use the Bully Pulpit in a manner that makes George W. Bush look like a fifth grade maladjusted kid extorting lunch money.

So, I am your Primary Candidate!  That's right!  I am what we WANT to see in office!  Vote for me!  A candidate who truly represents America.

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