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Smoking an entire ounce of weed in one week has taught me a very important lesson. I need to buy more weed.

Shotgunning a Coors Light is just like getting a golden shower, I'd imagine.

LAWS OF MOTION: Fools rush in, the cautious tread lightly and drunks stagger past.

Warren Buffett may be way better than me at investing, but I bet he's no match for me at napping.

Xanax was invented by a Pfizer scientist after he watched a performance by Zach de la Rocha, according to the Wikipedia entry I just edited.

If I ever have to serve jury duty, I want you all to know that I can be bought off.

I love you but if a zombie apocalypse occurs I have no problem curb stomping you. -Wedding Vows I've always wanted to hear

Finally spoke to god about whether or not he was right for me. turns out we are both looking for a little something different.

Are number 2 pencils still the coolest pencils?

Originally posted to jbou on Tue Sep 06, 2011 at 05:44 PM PDT.

Also republished by Team DFH.

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