A couple of weeks ago I posted a diary about the good work of the Ronald McDonald house and how they helped our family during our son's losing battle with cancer.
I didn't know it, but a new nightmare had already begun. My wife is dying of gall bladder cancer that has spread to her liver. She may not last the week. She has had three operations in a week and is going down for another in an hour or so.
I'll say more when I can see through the tears a little better. I may say a lot more. But I want to give a little pep talk to those who may not have it this bad.
Your life is not over. Your chances to succeed, your chances to be happy are not behind you. Your situation may be bad, bad, bad... but it is not THIS bad.
I'm not naturally a strong person. I learned it by watching my son die over a period of years; doing my screaming in private and then putting on the strong Dad face to give him courage.
I'm now doing the same with my wonderful, one of a kind, irreplaceable wife. Looking into her eyes and smiling when what I really want to do is eat a gun.
But you know what? I. Am. Not. Going. To. Do. That. I will never take the coward's way out, though I dare say few have as much justification as I do.
And make no mistake... it IS the coward's way out. Both my daughters and my ex-wife are horribly at risk after what we went through. I must be strong... suicide is contagious. I have no other choice.
Don't misunderstand me, I know many people are facing horrible difficulties right now and I don't want to minimize them. But until they're THIS bad... buck up. You really don't have any other choice.
And neither do I.
Please don't bother trying to find the right words for a comment. They don't exist. Just recognize that your darkest nightmares can come true, and make EVERY moment you are blessed to walk in the sunshine count.