Fine September morn'n. Brisk coolness across the desert. Birds are abundant and Sol is rising to another day of greatness.
Time to stick walk to visit Mumbly Peg Larry and check his dino poop holdings
Right out of the gate I got to tell you about Mumbly. A rancorous ol' cuss that has spent his life collect'n dinosaur poop. Even his hovel is built from it.
He says it's called, Coprolite, but its still dino poop, no matter which way its sliced.
Mumbly was drafed into the Navy during the WWII. Once he was honorably discharged, he came to the desert. I'm probably the only person alive that knows why he moved to the high desert. The ol' geezer is afraid of water!
Course, he thinks nobody knows, but anyone with a nose can tell Mumbly ain't fond o' water.
Lucky for him he spent most of his time below deck do'n laundry duty on a permanent type basis. He was a rabble rouser and the laundry was the safest place to park his scrawny butt and muffle his constant cuss'n.
He's still scrawny and now quite old. But, he does fine by himself in the middle of nowhere. Most desert dwellers like solitude and Mumbly ain't no different. However, a few years after arriving at Whiz Bang, he got drunk and accidently-like, cut off his left leg while wielding an ax.
Made hisself a right fine dino poop leg to attach to his stump and he leaves an interest'n trail in the sand when he is out and about walk'n the desert look'n for more dino poop.
Personally, I think his cheese done slipped off his cracker, hoard'n dino poop like he does. Of course, it is true that he tells folks that he lives in a Doniker, to coin a phrase.
I remember when I first met Mumbly. He was peg'n around a stack of dino poop to make the walls of his hovel. Told me the walls are from inferior grade poop, so I guess that makes all the difference.
As I made it to the top of the hill and down into the valley where Mumbly lives, he saw me.
"Jesus H. Christ," he yelled. "You be too damn old to stick walk way out here, She of Two Spirits. What the (expletive deleted) is the matter with you, ya ol' bat?"
"Well," I explained while shuffl'n down the grade, "my days are now numbered, so mak'n final visits ya ol' fart. You want I should turn back?"
"Nah," he said. "Just be careful com'n down. Can't have ya break'n your (expletive deleted) neck," he bellowed.
While I shuffled the last few yards to his porch, he ducked inside, then brought out summer gold. Ice chunks tinkl'n in the glasses. I slung down my haversak filled with fresh pumpkin bread on his dino poop table and Mumbly's eyes got wide.
"That (expletive deleted) pumpk'n bread with pinon nuts?" he asked and I nodded my head. "Well, I'll be a (expletives deleted)! Noth'n better 'n your pumpk'n bread, She of Two Spirits," he said while salivating and wring'n his hands together wait'n for me to open the sack so he could do a quick desert grab of a few loaves.
Heck. I brung eight loaves. One for each of us to eat while visit'n and six to leave him when I got pooped out from the visit. Rate he was mow'n down the bread, I figured there might be two loaves to leave him. Men!
Sudden-like, Mumbly dropped the loaf of pumpk'n bread and stared at me for a few seconds. Then his eyes started to squint.
"What the (expletive deleted) did you mean by say'n, "Mak'n final visits?" he grumped.
"I'm dying Mumbly. Gots the lung disease just like my grandpa," I said. "Have awhile, so best I make final visits here and there. You know, talk to people I have a feel'n for, before I can't walk anymore. Kinda tidy'n up my life, so to speak," I said.
"You scared?" He asked.
"Nope," I replied. "No reason to be, Mumbly. It be the way o' things. Doc say's I have about a year before I need to stop my wanderings."
"Well, (expletive deleted) you done gots me (expletives deleted) all kind's a upset!" He snorted. "Can't see the desert without you in it, She of Two Spirits," he whispered under his breath. "Tears flow heavy tonight, I reckon."
We both took a draw of summer gold. Had it been night at least the crickets would have made a sound. Now, just god awful silence. Human silence that masks the sounds of the desert.
Finally, Mumbly reached over and grabbed my hands into his huge fists. He looked deep into my eyes and said, "Anythin' I can do fer ya, sweetie?"
"Possible," I said. "Actually, I came to do some business with ya if you be game to it."
"Well, I'm awful busy...What the (expletive deleted) you talk'n about, business? I'd give ya my right leg, girl!" He snorted.
"I know that ya ol' fool, but I have to make this request business-like. Kinda on principle and all," I replied.
"Business my sweet (expletives deleted)! Friends don't do 'business.' They do for each other! So, what can I do for you, sweet girl?" He asked.
"Would you fashion me a fine head stone outta your best dino poop?" I meekly asked.
Mumbly closed his eyes. When he opened them again, he stared into the sky for a long time. Finally, he looked at me and said, "I'll craft the finest (expletives deleted) tombstone the desert has ever seen. I'll polish it up fine so the sun's rays will reflect all the way to the Star People."
"Can you sink letters into the poop?" I asked.
"You bet your sweet (expletive deleted), ol' friend. What ya want your dino poop head mound to read?" He asked.
I mulled it over some the last few months and finally thought of something appropriate, at least for me. Look'n at Mumbly I pulled a small, leather pouch from my haversak and handed it him.
"What the (expletive deleted) is this?" Asked Mumbly.
"Instructions." I answered. "I've writ'n it all down for ya so's ya don't forget."
"There ain't a (expletive deleted) person in this here desert that could forget you, She of Two Spirits. You shine, girl," he stated.
I think deep down he meant it, too. We looked at each other and smiled. Then I scooped up my haversak, gave Mumbly a peck on the cheek, grabbed my walk'n stick and whispered in his ear, "Thank you, my beautiful friend."
As I reached the top of the hill I turned back. Mumbly was watching me. The paper from the pouch in his hand. I knew he would do this honor for me. Of that, I had no doubts.
In my minds eye I could see Mumbly read'n my instructions. I could read it in my head:
Mumbly,
In the pouch is a gold nugget and a piece of the sacred blue rock. When you lay the dino poop stone over my bones, place them beneath it. Payment to the Earth Mother for my using the land and to pay for you tak'n her dino poop, ya ol' rascal! On the stone please place the following:
SHE of TWO SPIRITS
Desert Woman
She Just Done Pooped Out