Department of Defense officials announced today that the War on Terrorism is over. We will begin an immediate draw down of troops in Iraq and Afghanistan. Officials pledged to support the governments of the two war torn countries as they struggle to rebuild a civil society after years of fighting.
Department of Justice officials announced a full restoration of our constitutional rights and issued an apology for un-American transgressions of liberty in the fearful aftermath of 9/11. Dick Cheney tearfully apologized for staining the good name of our nation for his part in the policies of rendition and torture. In a stunning reversal, George W. Bush called on Congress to allow the Obama administration to move forward with civilian trials for suspected terrorists held at Guantanamo Bay. John Boehner commented, "You know, if John Adams could stand for the defense of the British soldiers accused in the Boston massacre, I guess I can admit that adherence to principles of justice is a fundamental tenet of American society." Congress will move forward immediately to repeal the so-called PATRIOT act.
The pentagon and CIA budgets will be gradually slashed in half, according to reports coming out of the White House. The resulting budget surpluses will be directed into training and hiring enough teachers that no American classroom will have more than 20 students. In addition, funds will be available for school and classroom modernization. In addition, every school in America will be outfitted with solar panels, gray water recycling, and new greenhouse and garden facilities. Department of Education officials, in cooperation with the Department of Energy, are expected to announce a goal of every school being completely energy independent by 2021 with school lunches provided from their own gardens. Department of Labor officials anticipate that the new hiring could bring down unemployment by 2-3%, with potential for much more job creation due to ripple effects.
The war is over. There is no war. It's all a figment of some maniac imagination.