As you’re seeing, Rick Perry’s vision for our country is just a scale-up of the Texas "miracle". This means a significant shift in lifestyle for many Americans. A few lucky folks with financial and political ties to our Secessionist-in-Chief will find their lives enriched through exciting “pay-to-play” opportunities.
For most of the rest of us, though, we’ll be losing ground economically. Things we take for granted – food, shelter, medical care, functional infrastructure, decent schools, clean air and water, and basic freedoms – will be eroded or eliminated altogether.
But the news is not all bad! If you act now, and use our proprietary “Perry-Pocalypse Investment Tips”, you can profit from the coming financial end times! Just like Perry’s deep-pocket buddies, you can make some strategic moves that will allow you to capitalize on despair. With any luck, you can earn enough to maintain your indoor lifestyle, with a little left over for a six-pack of beer.
Follow along below the looming storm-cloud below for some hot tips! …
Flour, baking powder, chocolate, shortening, and sugar: these commodities will be selling like hotcakes as bake sales become the primary funding source for fire departments and schools and uninsured patients requiring costly surgeries or treatments. Fill your grocery cart with the staples, and watch your profits rise!
Garden sheds, pup tents, Coleman lanterns, sleeping bags, and other camping gear: as more and more Americans lose their homes due to unemployment or bank malfeasance, they’ll need someplace to live. Tent cities will be springing up across the country like mushrooms after the rain, and every new tent “home” means money in your pocket!
Denim overalls: the nouveau hobo “lifestyle” will lead to a resurgence in this fashion staple. Fingerless gloves, pork-pie hats, flannel shirts, and related merchandise round out the look. Thrift shops, Army-Navy surplus outlets, and consignment stores will replace major chain store as the place to find the latest in “railyard chic”.
Porta-Johns: a proliferation of tent cities, long lines at the unemployment office, and a resurgence in migrant farm work will result in a blow-out demand for these humble bathroom wanna-bees. Money can be made in porta-john manufacturing, set-up, supplies, and maintenance. Don’t turn up your nose at this profitable sector!
Automobile parts: as more people are forced to do their own car repairs rather than trading in their clunkers, parts will become a “hot” commodity. Couple this with folks operating their own “home chop shops” selling off their car piece by piece, and a new cottage industry is born. Expect an entrepreneurial visionary to link these operations into a network accessible by those still fortunate enough to own an automobile, maybe something like “Dregs List”.
Laundromats: the newly homeless will need someplace to do their laundry and network for employment opportunities, while reading the magazines they can no longer afford. Enter the lowly Washateria, a cash-based business where you can literally launder your money. Vending machines for supplies will fill your basket with profits, and labor costs are minimal, as attendants will work in exchange for a roll of quarters.
Disclaimer: the writer has no current position in any of these commodities, nor any intentions to buy within the next 48 hours. Or ever, really. Invest at your own peril. Some people will make huge amounts of money; you, not so much. Void where prohibited by the laws of supply and demand.
8:12 PM PT: Thanks, everyone, for getting this onto the Rec list. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: I have got the most intelligent, insightful, creative and witty commenters on DailyKOS.