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A story? Oh, sure, I guess I know a story. Gather 'round, kids. . .

Now, let's see, how did that go? Oh, right. . .

Once upon a time, there was a high school class, and all the boys and girls in the class lived together in a big house. . .

What? Because it's part of the story. Where were the grownups? Well, that's a really good question. I wonder about that myself a lot. But for now, just take it from me, they all lived together and there didn't seem to be any grownups. Just go with it; it makes the story make sense.

So, anyway, all the boys and girls lived together without grownups around, but, otherwise, they were just regular high school students, some nice, some mean, some good students, some not so much. Like other students, they clumped into groups, some based on mutual interests, like goths and geeks and arty types, some based on whether they had cars and the right clothes and things.

Now, just like it is in high school, the really, really top group was made up of the kids with the cars and the right clothes. Some of them were the top athletes or the best looking (not the smartest ones, though). Whatever the reason, they were the most popular kids. Openly or secretly, all the other kids wanted to be like them, largely because they had cars and clothes and what not.

One day, the popular kids decided they wanted to have a party. They called all the kids together and said, "This is going to be the greatest party ever. We'll have tons of food and beer and everyone will have the best time. Who's in?"

And all the kids said, "We're in!" and pooled all their money to buy food and beer.

At first, it seemed pretty good. The popular kids passed out some chips and cups of beer to all the kids. Even the goths, who mumbled thanks. "Don't thank us," said the popular kids, "It's your money."

Later, though, when the goths and geeks and arty types wandered over to the popular kids' area to get more beer, the popular kids wouldn't let them have any. "We're almost out," they said, quaffing full glasses around the keg (which was surrounded by pizzas and boxes of chicken, none of which they'd offered the others).

"You guys need to make a beer run," the popular kids said. "Here's a dollar."

One of the geeks spoke up, saying, "A dollar? That will buy maybe one beer. We're going to need more than that."

The popular kids responded, "Well, pitch in, then. There's a lot more of you than us."

"But you've got more money," said the geek. "And, besides, you're drinking all the beer. Heck, you've got pizza and chicken. We don't have any of that."

The popular kids sighed and rolled their eyes. "Dudes, we're the popular kids. Of course we get pizza and chicken and lots of beer. It's one of the reasons everyone wants to be like us. You want to be like us, right?"

The goths and geeks and arty types nodded.

"And you don't want to shut down the party, do you?"

The goths and geeks and arty types shook their heads.

"Of course you don't. It's a great party. Now get some more money out of everybody and make that beer run, dudes. We're busy here."

And so, thinking that if they did what the popular kids said, they'd get pizza and chicken and beer, they all gave up more of their money and got the popular kids more beer so the party wouldn't stop.

And they all lived happily ever after. Especially the popular kids.


What? A stupid story? Well, you just asked for a story, not a smart one.

Originally posted to Crashing Vor on Fri Sep 16, 2011 at 03:00 PM PDT.

Also republished by DKOMA and Team DFH.

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